KOP FOR THAT! LIB DIMS HAND OVER £1.9MILLION TO MACCA TO PLAY ANFIELD!

• MACCA'S ULTIMATUM TO COUNCIL - 'COUGH UP £1.9MILLION NOW, OR I'M OFF!'

• PANIC-STRICKEN LIB DIMS HAND IT OVER TO AVOID REPEAT OF MATHEW ST FIASCO
  
• HEADLESS CHICKENS IN TURMOIL AT CULTURE COMPANY, AFTER LATEST COCK-UP

• GUESS WHO IS GOING TO END UP PAYING FOR THIS?
  

Panic-stricken Lib Dims have today handed over £1.9million to millionaire ex-Beatle Paul McCartney after he delivered an ultimatum.

A furious Macca threatened to pull out of his planned gig at Anfield in June, unless the Culture Company handed over total organisation of the event to his own production company.
He demanded the cash was transferred by the close of business today, after 18 fruitless and frustrating months of trying to deal with the Culture Company.
Macca's patience finally ran out on Friday when the ultimatum was delivered to the Fun Palace at Millennnium House - sparking scenes of mass panic and headless chickens as the bureaucratic suits were forced to gather for a series of top-level meetings.

Macca told the Culture Co they had until today to agree to hand over the event lock, stock and barrell - or the concert would never happen.
Colin CoverUp then decided to leap into action (well, he got slowly to his feet and decided to politely ask a minion to send off a carrier pigeon to ask various penpushers what he should do, eds)
The upshot was that the Lib Dims decided to hand over the dosh - even though they are already £62 million in the red and are busily sacking staff, closing old people's homes, leisure and sports centres and increasing charges for anything that moves.
Macca is still waiving his £300,000 appearance fee and handing it over to LIPA - but that still takes the total cost to council taxpayers to an extra £2.25million.
On paper.
The final cost will be millions more of course - all heavily disguised by the smiling assassin, Hasitall.
And remember the Harbarrowboy originally promised the Macca gig would be 'cost neutral'.
Then, that it would cost just £1.2million.
Now CoverUp and the Fireman Bradley are desperately trying to persuade safety experts to find space at Anfield to fit in another 10-15,000 extra seats for the gig.
So that they can then sell the extra tickets to plug the bulging gap in the city's coffers.
But safety experts have so far refused to give the go-ahead. If they refuse, watch out for more cuts in services and the city's Culture year being severely curtailed still further.
Meanwhile all the bollocks about global TV rights and DVDs and corporate hospitality coining it for the city, have all proved groundless.
The tree killing media, at the craven Echo and Daily Post will hail this as a fantastic boost for the city - Macca is coming! It's Official! An extra 15,000 tickets go on sale for gig of the century!
Not a single member of the Liverpool meeja has got anywhere near asking a single relevant question about the spiralling out of control cost of this event.
The total cost will forevever remain a mystery.
Meanwhile we bet Macca doesn't play this at Anfield:

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MACCA'S ANFIELD GIG IS A MESS...BUT NOT FOR LORNA!

The mess surrounding the Paul McCartney concert at Anfield is even worse than we first feared.
As one of our commentators has already pointed out Macca’s appearance fee is £300,000 - which he is donating to LIPA.
Fair enough.
But far more obscure talents have already done far better at raking in the dosh than the millionaire ex-Beatle.
At the last count, and before Macca has even plucked a chord, the fees paid to consultants have so far reached more than half a million quid!
The army of get-rich-quick consultants includes ex-BBC producer Lorna Dickinson, who, astonishingly, was hired specifically for the McCartney gig way back in July 2006!
She has spent the last two years exciting the CoC dimwits by parroting breathtaking broadcasting blarney about global DVD and TV rights.
Dickinson, who commutes from London, conjured up visions of:

• Arabs in the souk sitting in their tents watching their new Sony TV’s and marvelling at the new Liverpool.
• The lads in Afghanistan would be pausing from lobbing stuff at the Taliban, to express their profound astonishment at the transformation which the Lib Dims had achieved.
• Barack Obama would be booking a satellite link to Anfield so he could address the crowds gathered on the Kop to congratulate them on the regeneration they had achieved.

That was her story anyway.
The Lib Dim fells for all this of course and kept on signing her invoices.
The Harbarrowboy and Donald Bullshitter believed that they needed someone like Dickenson with “TV experience” – despite already paying ex-Beeb reporter, Paul ‘Randy’ Newman £75,000 a year for failing to communicate anything as CoC Director of Communications.
Dickinson’s first contribution to the planning for the Macca concert was indeed unforgettable – it was she who came up with the now infamous Salthouse Dock ‘stun the fish’ scheme.
She was promoting this bonkers idea for months, giving rise to strong suspicions that she had shares in a Grimsby fishmongers.
She wooed the naïve and impressionable Lib Dims - Storeyteller, the Fireman and Berni Turnip in particular - with tales of sensational camera angles; world-class river frontages illuminated behind Macca’s left shoulder; Oprah Winfrey outside the Town Hall talking to the Leader who had masterminded this global event; CNN, NBC, Al Jazeera and billions of satellite trucks turning up to film the Lib Dims who had made it all happen.
The Salthouse Dock scheme then went deservedly down the drain – taking £250,000 of council taxpayers money with it.
Dickinson has since been sensibly taking a back seat role – ie, buggering off to 'high-level' very important meetings - while still pocketing her, wait for it, £100,000-a-year consultancy fees.
The truth is no-one has any idea what she has actually done, except attend interminable planning meetings, go off to talk to more people and heap huge loads of bullshit all over the 3rd floor of the Fun Palace.
So, after almost two years, what has been the result?
No global DVD rights – Macca wouldn’t allow it.
No global TV audience.
And no 'cost neutral' scenario. The Lib Dim council have overspent by £2.5million already.
It is still unclear with less than two months to go, what the BBC are actually going to broadcast. The Beeb haven’t revealed their plans (no trailers or hype so far, eds) because they still don’t know who is appearing!

The genius Elvis Costello will be joining his mate Macca (good move, eds), but as for the rest of the international, world-class, global, solar system, Milky Way, superstar line-up, no-one has a clue.
There was talk by Donald Bullshitter – who has officially forbidden any mention of ‘cancellation’ a la Mathew Street - of Beyonce and Justin Timberlake and Muse and the Foo Fighters.
But none have materialised.
Our Lord Redmond is now talking about a simultaneous tele-cast event at the Arena.
All kinds of star names are still being bandied about, while the problems increase, the number of consultants rises, the budget goes out of control and the costs soar.
Meanwhile the Lib Dims are closing old people’s homes and slashing £62 million from council services.