UNELECTED, UNACCOUNTABLE, UNPALATABLE - The new Leader of Liverpool greets the Prime Minister.

Gordon Brown and Phil Redmond
Originally uploaded by Downing Street

OUR Lord Redmond, denied a knighthood in the New Year's Honours, was hanging on the Prime Minister's coat-tails during his visit to Liverpool.

The self-appointed Tribune of the People was never far from Gordon's side whether at Lime Street, the Echo Arena, new Museum of Liverpool, or even on the River when the PM went for a sail.

Whenever Gordon swept into view, there was the lagubrious Redmond at his side, making him chuckle with tales of Scouse weddings, Scouse anniversaries, and how much public money he had frittered away on '08.

Redmond's ego had successfully managed to shove Fireman Bradley out of the way early doors. The Lib Dem leader was later overheard bitterly complaining about being out manouevred from the Oldham Echo's photos.

Nor was there any room for the city's first citizen, Labour councillor Steve Rotherham, who would normally have accompanied the PM on such civic engagements.

Nor was there any room for Labour's elected leader in Liverpool, Joe Anderson.

Nor was there any room for any of Liverpool's Labour MPs.

Instead the Prime Minister's escort was the mastermind behind....Brookside.

What a boost for Liverpool in 2009.

Redmond had turned up to greet Gordon the day after attending a special '08 'Official Thank You' to the staff at the Fun Palace, who have kept the show on the road while the Harbarrowboy, Redmond, CoverUp and Bradley, etc, combined to cock everything up.

Redmond was so busy taking credit for everything and slapping himself on the back at this 'do', as the totally smitten Culture Secretary Andy Burnham looked on admiringly, that he actually forgot, er...to thank the staff.

Our Lord had to be reminded by an underling to do the honours at the end of his lengthy speech about all his great triumphs during the past year.

Let us not forget that Redmond was first given a bunk up onto the '08 gravy train by his mate, the evil Sir Diddy Henshaw, who appointed him to the Culture Board.

Redmond then sat on his hands for two years as Robbing Archer got to work (sic), the Harbarrowboy topped up his tan and Mathew Street was cancelled.

In the resulting fall-out, our Lord seized his chance while the Fireman's attention was diverted.

Desperate to get Culture, Redmond and Bryan Gray from the North West Development Agency, did a deal to take over the reins of 2008, in return for a Government bail-out.

Wisely, the Government later refused the bail-out.

By the time the penny had dropped with the Fireman, Redmond had his feet under the desk and his picture in the papers.

Easy as pie.

So. This is the monster which the Lib Dems have now created - a multi-millionaire dealer in Scouse stereotypes; an unelected, unaccountable, resident of Tarporley (not Frodsham), who insists on being called 'Professor'; who can spend public money willy nilly while affecting a thick Scouse accent; who now, astonishingly has been doled out more public money to launch his Cultural Collective - a rag, tag and bobtail collection of his mates and sycophants to succeed the unmourned Culture Company.

EXPOSED: A TALE OF TWO CITIES - SPIN VERSUS SUBSTANCE

WE reproduce below, for your entertainment, the full text of the press release issued by Randy Newman on the sad occasion of the resignation of Jason Harborow, aka The Harbarrowboy.

It is a triumph of spin over substance worthy of serious study by students of the genre (he means us, eds).

So we have, therefore, provided our own translation. Enjoy.

"Jason Harborow, Chief Executive of Liverpool Culture Company, has announced today that he is stepping down from his post.

Translation: We have been forced to pay off the Harbarrowboy, because the Fireman Bradley’s stupid emails and secret meetings meant that Jase could take us to the cleaners for constructive dismissal with all the attendant disastrous publicity that would ensue from such a high profile case. And we couldn’t stand another round of ruinous headlines in our Culture year.

...He has successfully steered the Culture Company from its inception to readiness...
Translation: Jase has spent all his time feathering his own nest and looking after his own interests, by hopping from one job to another in his four years at the Fun Palace. He made sure that he never stayed in the same place long enough for the penny to drop that he couldn’t deliver a stamped addressed envelope if it killed him. (Which it very nearly did). Everyone agrees the Culture Company is utterly ramshackle, incompetent and hopeless and no-one has the foggiest idea where all the money has gone or what is supposed to be happening.

...of the Culture Company, including raising private sponsorship funding...
Translation: He couldn’t even do the job he was originally appointed to do – raise private sponsorship. The city council is still £5million adrift of the amount he promised to raise, no-one knows whether a penny in hard cash ever came in – it was always support ‘in kind’ which meant that we are now knee deep in crap Echo non-stories, Sayers pasties and sausage rolls, Ethel Austin undies and free legal advice for Jase from Hill Dickinson...

...and the delivery of the much acclaimed artistic programme for 08....
Translation: No one has acclaimed the artistic programme at all, except for us at the city council and the Echo. At least half of the population seem to be scratching their heads and wondering when something is going to happen, but we don’t give a toss about those oiks on the council estates, obviously. Most of the good stuff has been put together by our established cultural partners, but we have claimed all the credit and have managed to slap our 08 brand on everything that moves. Tee hee.

Mr Harborow said: “I have fulfilled my pledge to the people of Liverpool...
Translation: I have ripped you mugs off, big time. By the Christ, I have filled me boots with your dosh. Dick-heads. I am laughing all the way to the bank – and you have let me! Fantastic result.

...my job is done...
Translation: “I have spent the last six months on the sick and got full pay! That amounted to £100,000 in the bank for doing fuck all - except sit in the hacienda sucking ice lollies. I have achieved what I set out to do – bugger all. And since my sick pay was going to go down to half the amount, I thought I would jack it all in now and let my drinking mate Col pay me off with a handsome cheque.

...and it is time now for a new challenge”....
Translation: I am going to see Bradley off first of all, by submitting an official complaint to the Standards Board. Hasitall and Cover Up have been egging me on to do it for months and nothing would now give me greater pleasure than
to see Bradley barred from public office. Cheeky bastard. Who the fuck does he think he is? It’s us officers who run the council, not the morons like him who stand for election. With a bit of luck, I will come across as the innocent victim of it all. Even though I cocked up Mathew Street, everyone will forget all that when Bradley is led in chains down Dale Street. Then I am going to do a bit of consultancy to any other European cities who are gullible enough to pay any attention to a word I say and give me lots more lucre. I might do a bit of extra shopping in Chester, I have got some personal stuff to sort out and after that it will be a life of Riley back at the hacienda. But not Joe, obviously....

He is moving on to pursue new business interests and is to step down from his post at the end of the month...

Translation: We have no idea what he is going to do now and we don’t care, we just want to see the back of him PDQ.

He went on to say: "I have very much enjoyed my time in Liverpool...
Translation: This bloody city has been a fucking nightmare. First Finnegan sussed me out as a total fraud within weeks, but Henshaw thankfully got him out of the way for making sure the papers knew Henshaw wasn’t going to get his pension. Then Forde started kicking off about me cutting the Mathew Street budget and threatening people’s safety. What do I care about Scousers? But thank Christ Forde packed it in too. I had to laugh when Bradley had a go at him. It was priceless! If you ask me my recipe for success, I would say that I soon learnt not to stay in the same position for too long – so no-one cottoned on to what I was doing, until it was all too late. I have to say I learnt from the master - Sir Diddy. He taught me everything I knew. Must go for a coffee with him, next time I am in Manchester. I suppose I will end up paying as usual.

...It has been a tremendous challenge but we are there...
Translation: Thank Christ I am getting out of here before it all goes pear-shaped.

...2008 will be the beginning of the future for Liverpool and its entire people, and I am grateful that I was able to play a role in that...
Translation: This sounded really good when Randy read it to me over the phone, but now I have no idea what it means. I hope he doesn’t mean all that Creative Communities bollocks that the Scousers were obsessed with trying to promote. All those horrible unemployed people – trying to teach them about Culture was a bit like teaching Hasitall financial management. A hopeless case. They deserved being ripped off. Numb-skulls.

...Other personal business opportunities have opened up for me next year and I wish to concentrate my efforts on these...
Translation: I shall bullshit my way around the world.

...I have therefore taken the decision to leave now, confident that the programme for 2008 will make it the most successful Capital of Culture ever...
Translation: I am getting out of here sharpish, before people wise up. With my pockets full of dosh.

...I am leaving behind a strong organisation moving forwards into its delivery role..."
Translation: I have left it all in the hands of The Ego Our Lord Redmond, who just wants his name in the papers and nutters like McCogloose, who will just agree with the first person she hears. Half the staff are applying for other jobs like it is going out of fashion, the other half daren’t admit they work for the Culture Company for fear that it will ruin their reputations for life. The place is a total laughing stock. And I haven’t mentioned the money yet. But that’s your problem now, suckers!

Colin Hilton, Chief Executive of Liverpool City Council, said: “Jason has made a huge contribution to the city over the last four years in leading the team that has developed such a strong programme for 2008.

Translation: Am I really supposed to say this? Are you sure? I don’t know what the hell has been going on over there for the last four years. Where has all the money gone? No one has got a grip on it at all. Consultants kept on waltzing in and out as if they owned the place. They probably did, with all the money the city council was paying them. It wasn’t for me to interfere either. I am a council bureaucrat, I don’t do culture. I have no idea what the artistic programme is at all. But the brochure has lots of nice pictures in it. I just can’t be bothered to turn the pages. My mum seems to like it though.

...He brought flair and a commercial edge to our work....
Translation: Jase was great. He seemed to know lots of people in the private sector, which was obviously a very good thing, and he brought them in regularly to help us out with all kinds of things. They did an excellent job, by all accounts. One of these friends of Jase’s presented me with a nice grey fleece, which keeps me very warm, and also gave me a lovely wooly hat for my mum. Which was really very kind and thoughtful of him, I thought. They have done a fine job for Liverpool – just like BT and Liverpool Direct. It has been a real partnership. I am just waiting for a full report about what has been achieved.

...and will always be remembered for his enthusiasm and ability to engage the support of the most top level people across sport, government, the arts and other institutions.”

Translation: Jase was a terrific bullshitter. The Government ministers were so gullible it was incredible and they believed every word he said. Don’t ask me why. I don’t know who half these people are. I recognised a few faces from the telly though. One of them got a ticket for my mum to go and visit the House of Lords. She had a really nice day. Redmond went with her – he said something about going on a recce. The cultural lot/arty farty set were a piece of cake – they wouldn’t say boo to a goose, anyway. Even if Jase had pissed all over their chips.

Bryan Gray, Chairman of the Culture Company Board, said: "I would like to thank Jason for his contribution to the success of the Capital of Culture over the last few years.
Translation: I can’t believe I am saying this. Jesus, the things I have to do for these clods in Liverpool. Good job I have taken it over now, after I told that Fireman Fella what was what. He soon got the message. Pygmy.

...I am sure that everyone associated with the Liverpool Culture Company will join with me in sending best wishes to Jason for his future..."
Translation: I am not giving any radio interviews about this tosser. I would choke on these words.

WIRRAL EXCLUSIVE: PROF CHUCKLEBUTTY GIVES HIS VERDICT ON ADOBE ACROBATS, THE CUSTARD COMPANY AND RUDE VAN WINKLE...

By Jove! It's me Sir Diddy, here to celebrate with you.

Today, to mark this historic occasion, instead of my usual frivolity, I offer you a serious address, no not me house in Aigburth “Stillgrabbin” I’ve flogged that, although it still hurts that I couldn’t get at that 50pence piece that fell behind the old boiler, well Lady Diddy is hard to shift after a hard day at the factory knotting sausages.

Here Ladies and Cheltenham, on what should have been a special day for me, had I not been forced to retire on wealth grounds, is my speech to open the Capital of Custard.2008.

They wouldn’t let me make it on the night, even though it was though my glorious leadership that we won it.

Instead, the crowd got a few ramblings from the Anaemic Mermaid herself, Phyllis Redmond, the man who turned the custard company around, so they couldn’t see that he’d done nothing for five years.

“We did it,” he proclaimed!

Through a mouth that looks like somebody sat on a pasty.

“It’s like a scouse wedding!” So you’re all condemned to years of fighting and misery trying to pay for it.

What an inspiration!

Had I still been at the helm this is what you would have got at the Sir Diddy Arena (as it should have been called)

By Jove Missus, We did it!!!! It’s been like a scouse wedding here…..(hang on cut that bit Lady Diddy)

Yes, by Jove, Capital of Custard 2008.

Can you all see me at the back? What do you mean you can’t see me at the front? Can somebody get me a bigger box?

Welcome to Liverpool, the year in which Liverpool itself is the show!

After five years of the Custard Company using every opportunity to make a show of us, it has arrived at last. Here we are in a giant shed in the docks. Yes I know many of you have wanted to see me in the dock for a long time.

Did you all go on Friday?

What a spectacle it was on the steps of St David’s Hall. It left the crowd wanting more, you could here thousands of voices winding back down Lime Street saying over and over again “Is Da F**kin it?”

Nearly three million quid spent on that box of Bengo matches and the three rockets trading standards confiscated in November. Thirty-five minutes of quality entertainment and Pete Price.

Unfortunately the planned opening choral piece from the Grotty Cash Asbo Ensemble, singing my very own theme song, “Pick a pocket or two” had to be postponed when they were all arrested during rehearsals.

I have enlisted the help of renowned Liverpool lawyer and pothole expert, my old sparing partner, Sir Rex of the Hesperus to get the choir released. As you know, I will do anything for a tenor.

Did all enjoy the aerial artistes? That was a mistake you know.

Young Clara MeCogloose was showing Jasper Hottlebottle a sketched out proposal to have a Toxteth Riots sequence on the steps outside the hall, the custard company’s idea of how to engage communities, and Hottlebottle said could you do it with Adobe Acrobat.

So MeCogloose, who is a bit daft in one ear, promptly rushed off looking for some dozy acrobats. Well ladies and gentlemen the idea of the aerial acrobats clearly captured the imagination of the people of the city.

I was touched by the hundreds of requests by people asking to see me suspended from a rope as the main feature for the grand opening.

Unfortunately I suffer from Vertigo with Sagittarius, the Robbing Archer on the cusp. That’s why I can only go to grade 6 Cuban heels. Yes missus, otherwise I get Diddy Spells!
We have a spectacular show for you tonight!

Those of you who know me know that I am a great supporter of our wonderful Liverpool Phil. No not pasty face Redmond! The Philharmonic!

I understand that Arriva have given one of their finest conductors the night off to be here with us.

What’s his name again? Petroleum Jellyco..who? Vascular….Verysilly….Potato? I can’t read this… thought you had spell checked! Is it Raphael Benetton ? What happened to the other fella…Simon Throttle?

Anyway, they’ll be knocking out a few numbers later, including, from the Lib-Dem Book of Patriotic Songs, Land of Hopeless Storey and Rule Blog Ban Ya, along with old favourites, The Plight of the Bumbler Bradley and Amazing Gross Misconduct.

Later for the kids and the Leader, we have some cartoons. The Bugs Bunny Men, Pete Wylie Coyote, Sonia the Hedgehog, MacElhinney the Pooh (that’s a euphemism) The Wombats of Wimbledon, Foghorn Leggarty with his Rooster for Mayor campaign and of course the one and only Pingu Starr from The Arctic Monkees. He’ll be performing in his new singlet again plus the classic hit, “What would you do if I once sang in tune”

Pingu will be signing copies of his new release at the Arena later this evening and all next week in the Pound Shop on Breck Road. I hear Frankies Gone to Holly Oaks so they wont be here.
And despite attempts by a local politician to prevent Farm products being brought in to the Arena, following his experiences of foot in mouth, it has been agreed he will hide in the Ladies when they come on stage to perform their renowned anthrax, er anthem, “All the money’s gone”

There’s more, Ladies and gentlemen, by Jove an authentic voice of Liverpool youth, it says here, then he must have accidentally slipped by the Custard Company to be on stage here tonight, unless he’s the son of one of them, RudeVanWinkle will be performing his rap tribute to Liverpool 08…. here’s a short taster. Riuven is it?

“ Liverpool, it’s 08

you gonna pay for it mate

cos the guys with the purse

been nothin’ but a curse

now it’s here

and the beer

is sellin’ at a rate

that I cant afford a drink,

what I got to celebrate?

You had five years bro,

to plan and you fail

Wasting money you aint got,

you should be in Walton gaol

What you’ve done to the people,

will be done to you I hope

When you’re in the prison shower,

bendin’ down for da soap”

By Jove, Missus, cover the vicars ears, that brings tears to your eyes!

A very Rude Van Winkle.

Finally to say to you all, whatever this bunch of rogues and halfwits supposed to have been leading this have or have not done over the last five years, the hard working staff and ordinary decent Liverpool people involved at the front line of all this have been doing their best to make it a meaningful year beyond the earnings and egos of the incompetent bunch of self serving, self important, careerist money grabbing opportunists trying to claim the credit….well imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, so thank you.

Many, if not most, of the events and highlights would have happened anyway but at least this year you might pop along to them and even enjoy them.

If you can get something out of it wonderful, personally, I can’t. all the big money has gone so I’m off back to my new adopted home away from Grotty Cash and back to Mirth of Tydfil in Wales.

Liverpool I left you and I always let you down.

So c’mon Liverpool, get down with D.Diddy and let’s party….sorry special free invitation only to Malmaisson.

No Scousers.

Yakkie Da Everybody Yakkie Da! Wednesday, January 16, 2008 2:29:00 AM

CHRISTMAS TREAT: SEE THE EVIL CABAL CELEBRATE THE HARBARROWBOY JOINING THEIR RANKS....

Click on the link below to see the Evil Cabal in action this Christmas as they celebrate Jason joining their rotten, corrupt, greedy and lying ranks (who said the season of goodwill was alive? eds)

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=1703727964

It takes a while to load, but it's well worth the wait.

With thanks to Liverpool Confidential for the inspiration @ Some elfin around

PS Why not join in the fun and have hours of festive frolics with some of our famous characters?! And see Gossip for the Scrooge who said 'No' to Mathew Street! eds

MATHEW STREET SENSATION: STORYTELLER THREATENS TO SUE CITY IF SECRET REPORT IS PUBLISHED

FORMER city council leader Mike Storey is threatening legal action to prevent the secret Mathew Street report being published.

Storey-teller has told the city council he will sue if they make the report available.

Why?

Because it is Storey who has been fingered by the report for giving the go-ahead for £150,000 to be cut from the Mathew Street budget.

The finger is also pointing at him for being present at a meeting with the Harbarrowboy when he was told the event would have to be cancelled.

Labour Leader Joe Anderson has already established that as far back as last November, Storey was warning that the Mathew Street Festival might need to be moved from the city centre to Sefton Park.

He was the least surprised person in the city when the Harbarrowboy gave Mathew Street the chop.

The secret report is amazingly now in the hands of an incredibly expensive top QC at Fireman Bradley's insistence.

It apparently makes it clear that Storey is ultimately responsible for cancelling Mathew Street.

So now the great Cover-up by Colin has become crystal clear (shome mistake, shurely? eds)

Chief executive Hilton has been protecting the Lib Dems from another monumental political disaster.

If the report is published it will immediately become clear that Storey-teller is heavily implicated in the Mathew Street debacle.

Storey would have to resign both as the city's regeneration boss and 700th Birthday Boy.

It would be a second political humiliation from which he could never recover.

And he would probably have to also go as a city councillor (Sir Diddy must be loving this, eds)

His resignation would be a hammer blow to the Fireman's credibility - Bradley has given constant preferment to Storey, who has always been his political mentor.

And it would be another astonishing political defeat for the deflated Lib Dems.

To misquote the immortal Oscar Wilde, losing Storey once may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose him a second time looks like carelessness....

THE GREAT WHITE HOPE(LESS)

And so the Great White Hope comes riding to the rescue.

Cometh the hour, cometh the man.

Step forward the lugubrious Phil Redmond, self-styled man of the people, multi-millionaire and purveyor of ubiquitous Scouse stereotypes.

Some have greatness thrust upon them, Redmond has thrust his greatness upon us (oooeeer missus, eds)

Redmond is now, apparently, hailed the saviour of Capital of Culture, determined to stop the rot, end the nonsense and finally connect Culture with the people it is meant to serve.

He has been appointed to lead Capital of Culture into the sunlit uplands of 2008, after the second Night of the Long Knives at the Culture Company Board.

First they were 24.

Now they are just six.

We hesitate to say 'we told you so'.

Oh alright then, we don't hesitate at all.

WE TOLD YOU SO!

The Culture Board was a washed-out and washed-up collection of Henshaw's tame yes men and women, who were neither use nor ornament to the great city of Liverpool.

Like the powerless Lib Dems, who sat wringing their hands in despair on the sidelines, the Culture Board betrayed the city of Liverpool and its people.

How so?

They fiddled about while the city burned with indignation.

And Redmond is just as culpable as the rest of a Board which all sat silently on their hands while the Harbarrowboy fucked over Liverpool, good style.

Not one of them raised a voice in complaint (except the principled Joe Anderson of course, eds)

Not one of them dared to have the courage to say enough is enough.

Not one of them tried to stop the Culture Co bollocksing up the city's big chance.

They stayed schtum and silent, when they should have been shouting from the rooftops.

They are all - including Mr Phil Redmond - complicit in this comprehensive failure.

Will we get an apology?

Will we buggery.

And now we are asked to pin our hopes and put our faith in the silent one?

The man who earned his fortune on the backs of Liverpool people by caricaturing the city with ugly Scouse stereotypes?

The man who gives professional Scousers a bad name?

The man who thinks that speaking up for Liverpool means saying nothing?

You must be out of your tiny mind.

We have no confidence in Redmond. We never have had any confidence in him.

He has done fuck all in the last two years and deserves to be fucked off like the rest of them. He has proved our point.

And we particularly lack any confidence in the new Redmond regime, when Deputy Dawg is the Fireman Bradley who demonstrates his powerlessness with each passing second that the Harbarrowboy survives.

The Redmond regime will make the right noises (with the right accent - carefully preserved by a strict diet of honey and roses, eds).

But he will not bring the enduring change for the better that Liverpool needs.

Nor will he seriously consult the staff at the Culture Company who have been working hard to leave a tangible legacy, despite the handicap of the Harbarrowboy's mis-management.

Oh no, instead he will dream up a few typically tabloid schemes to buy off the limp Echo - and then suddenly proclaim 2008 a great success.

Some will be fooled by the fireworks. But we won't. We have had years of Lib Dem spin that everything in the garden is rosy. We know what's what.

Take a trip to Speke, matey. Or Croccy. Or anywhere in north Liverpool.

See if you can spot a rosy garden there.

And who ever gave Redmond the authority to lead the people's Capital of Culture, anyway?

The people certainly did not.

No-one consulted US.

No-one elected him.

No-one can fire him.

And who will hold him to account for 2008?

Deputy Dawg?

Give us a break.

Self-appointed, self-interested, self-selecting.

Self-serving.

Nothing ever changes.

PS While the knife was being wielded on the Culture Company, the Harbarrowboy is away in Spain putting the finishing touches to his retirement home. He will be gone with a huge pay-off inside the next month with some spin about his job being done.

WHAT A STUNNING IDEA FROM THE CULTURE COMPANY!

We know this is swimming against the tide of public opinion, but we must congratulate the Culture Company on their latest brainwave.

They plan to drain Liverpool's historic Salthouse Dock to create a 20,000 seater venue for a televised BBC charity concert.

Then they want to stun the fish who swim in the dock before safely transporting them to a temporary new home.

A giant goldfish bowl will then be created in the centre of Liverpool where people will pay a fiver to splash around with the rescued fish for the world premiere of an exciting performance art concept.

(We've made this last bit up, eds. The rest is totally true, unbelievably. )

If this madcap, crazed and crazy scheme ever sees the light of day, we will kiss Sir David Henshaw's personal wad, take Colin Cover Up and his mum for dinner (humble pie on the menu, eds) and buy the Harbarrowboy his very own sun lamp.

(So there's a huge incentive for you to actually try and deliver something, lads)

We know Tony Parrish has made much of there being something very fishy about the evil cabal, the city council and the Culture Company. But this is ridiculous.

The woman who put Brian May on top of Buckingham Palace for the Queen's Jubilee concert is apparently behind this bonkers scheme - forced by the lack of major concert venues in Liverpool. The Culture Comp have enthusiastically taken the bait.

Computer generated images have already been shown as part of a glossy presentation to senior officers of the city council, who were apparently left gasping for breath, stunned as a proverbial salty fish and open-mouthed. (No change there then, eds)

The Beeb are all very excited about this unusual use of licence fee payers money.

How much developing this scheme has cost the city's council tax payers so far, is anyone's guess.

How much it will actually cost to stage is astronomical - and rumoured to put £250 on council tax bills for every single home in Liverpool.

Nice to know your hard-earned money is being spent so sensibly, isn't it?

Of course, the Culture Company could be making yet another rod for their own backs.

Or they may be fishing for badly-needed compliments.

The Harbarrowboy could, true to form, prove as slippery as an eel and be spinning us another line. (Although the Daily Post earnestly repeated details of this bizarre plan today, apparently completely straight-faced, eds)

It could also, very obviously, be the one that got away. (Sorry about that, couldn't resist, eds)

In the meantime, if anyone would like to phone the RSPCA to protest about cruelty to the poor fish being stunned, please be our guests.

And if anyone would like to form a Capital of Culture Fish Fanciers Society, please contact us asap.

Meanwhile, we are inviting suggestions for the bands who are likely to appear at the 2008 Fish Festival in Salthouse Dock. (Of course, no one has been booked yet, eds)

Some artist suggestions:

Seal

The Sharks

Shirley Bass-ey

Eels

Kylie Minnow

Groove Armada

Cod Creole

Roachford

The Four Roll Mops

Bob Marlin and the Whalers

Songs to be sung include:

There's A Plaice For Us

Yellow Submarine

It Could Salmon to You

I Cod Have Danced All Night

You Don't Send Me Flounders Anymore

If I Cod Be With You

In The Eel Small Hours Of The Morning

Sea Eeled With A Kiss

That's a Moray

Clam Every Mountain

It Haddock Be You

When You Fish Upon A Star

I Am the Walrus

Shark! the Herald Angels Sing

You Walrus Hurt The One You Love

Sole Train

Zing! Went the Strings of My Carp

Salmon Janet Evening

Nearer My Cod To Thee

Roe, Roe, Roe Your Boat

Mackerel The Knife

Crocodile Rock

Stingray (der der der der)

Water Way To End It All

INFORMATION COMMISSIONER FINDS CITY COUNCIL GUILTY OF BREAKING LAW OVER CONFIDENTIAL EMAILS

PRESS RELEASE: CITY COUNCIL GUILTY OF BREAKING LAW OVER EMAILS – OFFICIAL 4/06/07

LIVERPOOL city council broke the law by publishing confidential emails between its former Leader and communications chief.
The Information Commissioner has found the city council guilty of breaking the ‘First Principle’ of the Data Protection Act, 1998 - that the publication of any personal information should be ‘fair and lawful.’
The Commissioner upholds an official complaint by Matt Finnegan, the city council’s former Assistant Executive Director (Media), who had accused the council of acting unlawfully in first publicising the confidential emails two years ago.
In the emails, the then Council Leader Mike Storey, instructed the council’s media chief to publicise his opposition to a £240,000 pension deal for the council’s chief executive Sir David Henshaw, who had announced his early retirement.
A report containing the emails was sent to all 90 city councillors in May 2005, after the Liverpool Daily Post reported that the chief executive was demanding Councillor Storey’s resignation.

The draft report, drawn up by Executive Director Phil Halsall - the council’s Section 151 Officer - also contained details of Mr Finnegan’s mobile phone calls and text messages, as well as the emails.
Mr Finnegan submitted his complaint to the Information Commissioner immediately after quitting his job last September, accusing the council of waging a vendetta against him for obeying the instructions of the council’s democratically-elected Leader.

Mr Finnegan’s teenage daughter, who was also identified in Mr Halsall’s report, also submitted a separate formal complaint.
The Information Commissioner has now upheld both complaints, ruling that the council acted illegally.

In his adjudication to Mr Finnegan, the Commissioner says: “It is clear that the decision was taken to distribute the full contents of the Draft Report somewhat prematurely, in response to ‘media pressure’, which we believe was unfair to you.
“It is therefore our view that Liverpool City Council has breached the First Principle of the Data Protection Act 1998 in this instance. Whilst it is acknowledged that this is perhaps an extraordinary case in terms of the nature of events which occurred, and the high profile of the individuals who were involved, the disclosure, having been circulated at such a premature time, was still unfair.”
The Commissioner warns that publication by the council of the report may also have compromised any further disciplinary proceedings it brought.
He adds: “Whilst it is unlikely that this specific situation would arise again in the future, we shall be pointing out to the Council that they do have a general duty to ensure that the processing of all personal data complies with the provisions contained within the Data Protection Act 1998.
“In light of this, the Council may wish to review the actions which were taken in this case and consider whether it may be appropriate to implement further measures in order to prevent a similar event from occurring again in the future.
“The Commissioner would hope that once this contravention of the Act has been brought to the attention of the Council, steps will be taken to rectify the situation.”
Mr Finnegan is now calling for the council to take legal action against Sir David Henshaw, currently chair of the North West Strategic Health Authority, for contravening the Data Protection Act and to suspend Mr Halsall, who is still employed by the council, pending a full investigation into his actions.
Mr Finnegan said: “These two men broke the law. There is no argument about that. At the time, Mr Henshaw even issued an astonishing public statement welcoming the illegal report and praising his own integrity! The council should now show that it is cleaning up its act by taking appropriate action against both men and any others who were party to this decision. Proven law-breakers such as these should not be in charge of any public service for a moment longer.”
Mr Finnegan added: “My complaint to the Information Commissioner was the first of 38 grievances which I had first submitted to the council, for breaching their own internal rules and procedures. The current chief executive, Colin Hilton dismissed them out of hand.
“I am pleased however, that the Information Commissioner takes a very different view from Mr Hilton and has not allowed such illegal actions by very senior employees to be covered up.
“I am also grateful to the Daily Post for making public the astonishing events in Liverpool at the time. In my view, there was an attempted coup by certain officers against the democratically elected Leader, using emails which had been illegally obtained.
“This is a small, if belated, victory for democracy and is a vindication of my actions in obeying the Leader of the Council. I never broke the law – Mr Henshaw and Mr Halsall did. The council will never again be able to get away with treating employees like me with such flagrant contempt for both the law and their own internal rules and procedures.
“If the council had any decency it would now issue an abject public apology to both me and my daughter for acting illegally. But we won’t be holding our breath.
“It has been a sorry and shameful little episode linked directly to the huge pension claim of Mr Henshaw. That began a train of events which have caused significant harm to the public image of the city of Liverpool and have damaged people’s confidence in public servants and public service. I hope the council now deeply regrets breaking the law of the land.”

MAN OVERBOARD! DID HE JUMP, OR WAS HE PUSHED?

Drummond Bone-Head has finally resigned as Chair of the Capital of Culture Board.

Did he jump to go to a highly paid university sinecure somewhere more salubrious, or was he pushed over the side by fireman Bradley?

Whatever the answer - and there is much informed speculation about both possibilities - one thing is clear.

His departure brings to an end two wasted years, during which time his Culture Company Board have done a resounding bugger all to make 2008 a success for Liverpool.

Instead they have constantly re-arranged the deck-chairs on the Titanic (and thrown public money around like it was confetti), while watching helplessly from the rails as the ruinously expensive ship slides slowly beneath the icy waters (he's getting quite poetic these days, isn't he? ed)

The Maserati-driving Bone Head has been singularly unimpressive. His dull and listless performances have, at times, even made the Harbarrowboy look as though he has got half a brain.


Indeed he is only just trailing behind Jase in the 'sack him' demands from blog afficionados.

Bone-Head's main claim to fame has been cosying up to professional Scouser Cilla Black at some posh do for the great and the good in Westminster. This was in fact, why Bone Head agreed to be Henshaw's placeman on the Culture Company Board - so some of the anticipated (but still missing, ed) glitter would be liberally sprinkled over his benevolent shoulders and he would pick up a gong in gratitude from Gordon Brown's New Years Honours list for 2008.

Alas, for him both the glitteratti and the gong have failed to materialise (like much else that has been promised for 2008, ed)

So another departure from the Culture Company - first Robbing was given the push and then there was a night of the long knives for the other useless placemen and women who were serving themselves. It is bound to raise even more questions and doubts about the 'plans' for 2008. (But you won't read any of this in the Echo, ed)

Bone-head has been an utter disaster in charge of the do-nothing Culture Board and is jumping ship before he is forced to carry the can for 2008.

Which means, someone (Roger Phillips? Phil Redmond? Colin Cover Up? Cilla? ed) will now have to step forward to shoulder the increasing burden.

Talk about a poisoned chalice...

Betting for the new Chair of the Board: That bloke from the Phil 6-1, Mike Storey 9-1, Roger Phillips 25-1, Sexy Rexy 50-1, Stan Boardman 9-4 on, Tony Blair 5-4 (well he's got nothing better to do now, ed), Cilla evens, Jimmy Tarbuck 250-1, Sir Diddy 500-1 (and he was lucky to get the one, ed)

THE LIVERPOOL SUBCULTURE CHRISTMAS QUIZ TO END THEM ALL...

1) Who said: "McElhinney should be banged up in Walton jail"

Was it:

a) Councillor Warren Bradley
b) Councillor Mike Storey
c) Matt Finnegan
d) Mrs McElhinney
e) All of the above

(We have included two pictures of Walton so we can all see what McElhinney is missing, ed)


2) How many times did former chief executive, Sir Diddy announce his early retirement in March 2005, before he changed his mind?

a) Just the once to the Daily Post
b) Twice - both times to the Daily Post
c) Three times - twice to the Daily Post and once to the Liverpool Echo
d) He never announced his early retirement at all, that was all made up by Matt Finnegan, the city council's media chief and poor Sir David has ever since been the victim of a disgraceful smear campaign of public abuse, vile attacks and disgraceful misrepresentation of a fine, upstanding, noble-minded, public servant whose only crime has been to serve the people of Liverpool above and beyond the call of duty (steady on, ed).3) Who pleaded with Matt Finnegan on the day after the media chief was suspended on trumped up charges: '"Please don't tar us all with the same brush"?

a) Sir Diddy
b) The rottweiller, McElhinney
c) The smiling assassin, Halsall (above)
d) Chas Cole
e) Jolly Jack










4) Who said: "I will have to resign if they are threatening my job"?

a) Sir Diddy
b) Councillor Mike Storey
c) Matt Finnegan
d) The rottweiller
e) The smiling assassin
f) Tony Blair

5) Who is this blonde woman and what is her strange relationship to Dr David McElhinney (aka Dr Death, the Liverpool rottweiller, ed)






6) Name all Dr David's other blonde friends (and state whether they ever joined him at Knowsley on an all expenses paid trip abroad funded by a council contractor) and whether he then moved to Liverpool city council where he fixed them up with a do-nothing, but highly lucrative job. Or not . (It is permissible for you to use a separate sheet of paper to list any of these, ed)

7) Who said: "I told them no good will come of all of this - no-one will win."

a) Colin 'Cover Up' Hilton
b) The smiling assassin, Halsall
c) Rex Makin
d) Saddam Hussain

8) Which famous Liverpool trio ran in the New York marathon?

a) Sue, Grabbit and Runne
b) Kendall, Ball and Harvey
c) Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil (that's the city council's new slogan, ed)
d) McElhinney, Halsall and Cole





9) Who got free tickets from Phil Halsall for concerts at The Summer Pops?

a) Colin 'Cover Up' Hilton
b) The rottweiller McElhinney (for his parents, ed)

c) Sir Diddy and Lady Alison Henshaw
d) Councillor Paul Clark
e) Councillor Mike Storey
f) The woman at the butty shop (true, ed)
g) All of the above

10) Whose son made a 'once in a lifetime' appearance in a Southport-based combo, as the support act to Status Quo at the Summer Pops, for a still undisclosed fee from Chas Cole's CMP?

11) Which Porsche-driving Executive Director slammed the phone down on a journalist who had the disgraceful cheek and temerity to dare to ask him about his son's 'once in a lifetime' appearance at the Summer Pops and whether he had ever officially declared such a personal and pecuniary interest, in accordance with council regulations? (this question has been drafted by the bald eagle, ed)






12) Name the two pop bands in this historic and much loved photograph.






13) How many hits did the liverpoolevilcabal blog get?

a) Not half as many as the number of pounds Henshaw stole from Liverpool.
b) Not half as many as the number of pounds McElhinney stole from Liverpool
c) Dunno - but all 19,531 council workers were logging on as soon as they got home.
d) 102,465 (precisely, ed)
14) Who said: "show me the money."

a) Dick Turpin (well, it is the panto season, ed)
b) Sir Diddy
c) The rottweiller
d) Robbing Archer
e) Chas Cole
f) All of the above

15) What was the venue for the infamous Summer Pops media briefing, attended by the Harbarrowboy, Chas Cole and Jon Brown?

a) Colin Hilton's office
b) Jason Harbarrowboy's office
c) Chas Cole's office
d) The Racquet Club
e) Starbucks
f) The back of the bike sheds

16) Who said: "Don't let the evil cabal get you down" and to whom?

a) Mike Storey to Matt Finnegan
b) Warren Bradley to Mike Storey
c) Rex Makin to Matt Finnegan
d) Tony Parrish to the people of Liverpool

17) Who was Tony Parrish?

a) Sir Diddy desperately trying to get a sympathy vote
b) Daily Post journalist, Larry Neild (pictured, ed)
c) Francis Rossi from Status Quo
d) That bullshitting Kris Donaldson fella
e) Colin Hilton, trying to ensure that anyone with half a brain seemed infinitely preferable to the evil cabal
f) All of the above

18) Who said: "Whatever happens, we won't let you down."

a) Sir Diddy
b) Mike Storey
c) The editor of the Echo
d) Sven Goran Erikson






19) Who is Inspector Clueless? (clue: he's a fat, moronic, pompous Lib Dem councillor who believes in nothing but himself, ed. (Sorry, that doesn't really narrow it down very much, ed)




20) What is this?
TIE-BREAKER: Please supply a suitable caption to this action photograph of the new leader of the council.



COMING SOON: The Liverpool subCulture Awards for 2006, featuring the Tony Parrish Award to the 'Hypocrite of the Year'; the 'Blonde of the Year' (sponsored by BT); Quote of the Year; etc, etc, etc.

CULTURE COMPANY BOARD RE-ARRANGES THE DECK-CHAIRS ON THE TITANIC

MAN ON BOARD!

The Philharmonic's chief exec, Michael Elliott has been brought on board the sinking ship of the Culture Company.
Elliott (known as 'Mick' to counter the Phil's famed cultural elitism) has been appointed for two days a week as yet another 'Cultural Advisor' following the departure of Robbing Archer.
Elliott's qualifications for this Titanic role are a bit of a puzzle.
First of all he is a bureaucract and has no cultural credentials whatsoever.
Secondly, the 'Phil' has always shown a lofty and arrogant disdain for 2008.
It was alone amongst the city's big cultural institutions in making hardly any contribution to the successful 2008 bid.
And it has been noticeable by its absence from all things Culture Company ever since.
The Phil is famous for always going its own way and doing its own thing - despite the heavy public subsidy it receives from the city council's taxpayers (a bumper £1.3million last time, ed.)
So if Elliott has been brought on board to try and tackle one of the Culture Company's biggest faults - the lack of consistent, comprehensive and sustainable engagement and involvement of Liverpool people - then he does not have a proud track record at the Phil.
After all, the Phil is hardly famed for serenading shoppers at Tescos, or inviting inner city kids backstage, or sending out string quartets to entertain the crowds at Anfield or Goodison, is it?
That would be mixing with the hoi polloi a bit too much, wouldn't it?
Far nicer to stay safe with its Wirral-based clique of conservative converts.
So our guess is that Elliott has been brought in to try and sort out the Culture Company bureacracy, which under The Chief Executive of Nothing, has signally failed to deliver anything whatsoever.

The official press release says this:

"Michael will work with the Culture Company Chief Executive, Jason Harborow, (thought the Harbarrowboy was still interim? ed) and the creative team (Robbing's nervous early appointments, ed) to advise on the Culture Company's planning and its relationship with the cultural organisations and practitioners in Liverpool and build on the already close links with the DCMS and Arts Council England. ( I don't understand a word of this either, but neither do they, so we can all remain in total ignorance, ed)

"He will also work closely with the Chief Executive in assessing the artistic and cultural structure required to manage the future development of the 2008 programme, its communication and delivery. " (gawd help us, ed)

In other words, Elliott has been brought on board at the last minute to try and keep the sinking ship afloat and:

a) to keep an eye on the money
b) to keep an eye on the bureaucracy
c) to keep an eye on The Harbarrowboy

Whether his appointment works, never mind reconciles the various warring factions on the Culture Company Board (of which more later, ed) remains to be seen.

The job should obviously have gone to Lewis Biggs, whose successful Biennial is one of the few cultural events to put the city on the international map, but he clearly refused to partake of the poisoned chalice.

Other things that should be said about Elliott:

1) Henshaw once memorably dismissed him as a 'lightweight' (that's recommendation enough then, ed)

2)Henshaw also conspired with Elliott and the shadowy Phil Chairman, Roger Lewis, into getting rid of former conductor Gerry Schwarz in the most disgraceful and shameful way. So Elliott is a ruthless hatchet man. (And we shall be watching Lewis in future, ed)

3) No one likes Elliott at the Phil.

So I wouldn't hold your breath for any great changes in direction as the Culture Company ship goes steaming towards the 2008 iceberg.

ROBBING BOUNCES BACK WITH AN ATTACK ON THE CITY COUNCIL

Robbing bounces back from Down Under!

Robbing Archer has bounced back with an attack on the city council for sacking her from the Culture Company.

This predictable onslaught is only interesting for the sideswipes she takes at various people and things-

• Warren Bradley was apparently mainly to blame for getting rid of her (well done then Warren, ed)
  
• The Harbarrowboy has a nothing job in charge of a nothing organisation.

She said: "The CEO (chief executive officer, Harbarrowboy) of the Culture Company is the CEO of nothing."

(This is an astonishing verdict and gives us a tantalising insight into the way relations had fallen apart inside the Culture Company. It also shows she was not such a bad judge after all. Interestingly, the Chief Executive of Nothing, is getting paid £150,000, plus expenses a year for doing nothing, ed).

• The city council is a disfunctional bureacracy which can get nothing done (we seem to have been here before, ed)
• Staff couldn't even answer emails when she wasn't there (they were probably frightened of them being published by Henshaw, ed)
  
• Robbing was on the verge of producing a fantastic Capital of Culture when the rug was pulled out from under here (shurely some mistake, ed)
• Her mum was really ill (a blatant, offensively cynical deception and entirely transparent excuse for her running off back to Oz with her tail between her legs, ed)
  

The rest of her exercise in self-justification is, as we say, utter bollocks.
NB This woman was getting paid £150 grand a year and got a huge pay-off from taxpayers money to leave our shores and hop back to Skippy-land.