CAPTION COMPETITION: SPOT THE BIGGEST CROOKS...

THE LIVERPOOL '08 TOP TWENTY

We have been reading in the Echo that Phil 'the great grey hope' Redmond has unveiled his secret weapon to make Liverpool No 1 in 2008.

Apparently, there is to be a new "Song For Liverpool" to mark our very special year.

(What a fantastically original and creative idea, absolutely guaranteed to engage and involve the people of Liverpool, eds)

And it's going to be a joint production by the Culture Company, (unholy)Trinity Mirror, Radio Murkeyside and City.

Doesn't that make your heart sink, pop pickers?

The song is destined, we fear, to be 'bubbling under' for a very long time (rather like our Salthouse Dock fish, ed)

Far better, in our view, to produce something which will be truly unique, distinctive and popular.

What about a once-in-a-lifetime Liverpool '08 compilation CD?

Featuring memorable cover versions of our favourite hits - but sung by some of the city's contemporary and most respected figures.

Mark Ronson could produce it - and blog readers could contribute the song titles and suggest the local personalities best equipped to perform!

It could be our very own version of the Liverpool X Factor!

So, to get the ball rolling and your creative juices flowing, might we make some suggestions about our very own top twenty?

THE LIVERPOOL '08 TOP TWENTY

1) We Don't Talk Anymore - Cllr Warren Bradley & Jason Harbarrowboy
2) It Should Have Been Me - Cllr Mike Storey(teller)
3) The Sound of Silence - Colin 'Cover Up' Hilton
4) Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now - Phil Redmond
5) People Get Ready - Claire McColgan
6) Say it Ain't So, Joe - Paul 'Randy' Newman (in the chart with a bullet, eds)
7) Art for Art's Sake (Money for God's Sake) - Phil Halsall, the smiling assassin
8) Life in a Northern Town - The Residents (of L4, L5, L6, L8…etc etc, eds)
9) Y Viva Espana - Jason Harbarrowboy (solo performance, eds)
10) I Shoulda Known Better - Roger Phillips
11) She's Gone - Robbing Archer
12) Take The Money And Run - Sir David 'Diddy' Henshaw
13) Happy Talk - Alistair Machray (Echo Editor, eds)
14) Let's Dance - Flo 'quick, quick' Clucas
15) The Great Pretender - Kris Donaldson (Donald Bullshitter)
16) Hanging on the Telephone - Carolyn 'snitch' Hughes

17) Starman - Tony Parrish

18) I Wanna Be Elected - Liam Fogarty

19) Hound Dog - Dr David 'rottweiller' McElhinney

20) How Long Has This Been Going On? - The people of Liverpool

Bubbling under: Born To Run (Chris Green), Money's Too Tight to Mention (Sir Diddy), These Foolish Things (Matt Finnegan), Suspicious Minds (Lee Forde), I Fought The Law (Rex Makin), You Better Go Now (Joe Anderson)

It's something which everyone can join in!

Send your song suggestions to the blog, nominating your personality songster.
We will ensure that the Culture Company spends millions of pounds of council taxpayers' money on hiring record studios and top notch producers for the CD.

Thanks L&J!

CoC RESIGNATION No 2: CULTURE EVENTS BOSS QUITS...

The shock departure of Culture Company Events boss Lee Forde is a huge blow after the resignation yesterday of Joe Anderson.

Anderson's departure was a major political setback, destroying the cross-party consensus which had been created when the Culture nomination was won in 2004.

At a stroke it has given the green light to a ferocious political battle over 2008, for at least the next 18 months.

Forde's departure is a huge body blow to the nuts and bolts of the organisation - he was one of the few competent senior managers still working in the Millennium House Fun Palace.

More than that, Forde was of the city. He knows Liverpool, understands Liverpool and has been active and professional in trying to improve the city's cultural offer.

He was central to all the plans for events in the city over the next 18 months - Mathew Street, Tall Ships, the opening and closing ceremonies and all the other public events that the city usually stages.

However, never one to hide his feelings (a true Scouser then, ed) he has made no secret of his increasing cynicism about the way the Culture Company was being run.

He has rolled his eyes as the well-paid likes of the Harbarrowboy, the bullshitter Donaldson and the invisible man communications boss (we have actually forgotten his name! Paul something isn't it? ed) have made Liverpool a laughing stock.

Forde had made no secret of his contempt for their amateurish machinations, their constant changes of mind, their bright ideas that are world-class one day and jettisoned as easily the next, and their awe-inspiring ability to spend tens of thousands on the third rate.

But most of his colleagues have been completely taken aback by his walk-out. He had just had enough of all the 'fannying about' as he memorably described it.

Certainly Forde's Number 2, Eddy Grant will have no hesitation in now telling the Harbarrowboy exactly where to go if he is expected to do Ford's job as well.

Which means the Harbarrowboy will either give the job to someone who is patently not up to it from within the organisation, or he will throw a huge wad of money at an outside consultant to try and dig them out of the deep do-do.

But given the particular circumstances - six months away from the start of 2008 and right in the middle of the historic 800th birthday celebrations (we joke, ed) few sensible operators will want to volunteer for the job.

It is a poisoned chalice, even for someone like Andy Redhead, a professional operator who staged the Robbie Williams world tour and has worked for the city before.

Unless - someone else, someone completely different, can save the day.

Step forward Chas Cole.....

PS We will be returning soon to the subject of the Culture Company's spiralling salary costs and the astonishing invoices for chauffeurs and posh dinners, which Joe Anderson exposed.

JOE ANDERSON QUITS CULTURE - A MAN OF PRINCIPLE AND INTEGRITY

LABOUR leader Joe Anderson has resigned from Capital of Culture in disgust at its failures.

We agree with everything that Councillor Anderson says - which is why we are reproducing his entire statement from today's Daily Post...



CITY Labour chief Joe Anderson today walked away from his Capital of Culture role and accused the festival board of failing to deliver on its promises.
In a hard-hitting attack he said the Culture Board and the Culture Company were:
FAILING to engage communities and “real” people.
FAILING to provide a 2008 events programme that excited people.
FAILING to provide a worthwhile legacy for the city and missing the chance to kick-start creative industries.
He lashed the city council for “mismanaging” the 08 funding equation and leaving Liverpool £20m short.
Cllr Anderson vowed to fight on from his position as Opposition Group leader in an effort to ensure the city delivered the best-possible Capital of Culture.
He said: “Wherever I go I have community groups say that they don’t feel part of Capital of Culture.
“People are constantly complaining about over emphasis on city- centre investment and when you visit parts of Speke and see the dereliction there it really hits home.
“I’ve been going round mounting a robust defence of Capital of Culture but my heart hasn’t been in it.”
Cllr Anderson claimed 08 had moved away dramatically from the promises within the bid document that persuaded the Department of Culture, Media and Sport to award Liverpool the Culture accolade in 2003.
He said: “I met the judges – Jeremy Isaacs, Tessa Sanderson – and told them all about the communities and our bid’s aspirations for them.
“But these aspirations simply haven’t been met.”
And Cllr Anderson – born in the city centre just yards from the Paradise Street development – also refused to acknowledge that the so-called “2008 effect” had played a massive part in the city’s fast-paced economic renaissance.
He said: “It’s a myth. The renaissance is real but it was begun by European Objective One funding and maintained by government grants.
“Don’t forget that when the bid document was launched the Grosvenor shopping development was already in the bag as was development of the King’s Dock. Renaissance was kicking in anyway.”
Cllr Anderson also claimed arts organisations and creative companies have been betrayed by the way 08 has been developed and have suffered from lack of involvement and no worthwhile legacy.
He pointed to Liverpool’s literary legends Alan Bleasdale and Willy Russell as people who should have been consulted and utilised, perhaps in the creation of theatre schools to develop young talent post-2008.
He said: “I ask myself what the legacy benefits will be and I can’t really answer that question. The Tall Ships coming back again? A bigger Mathew Street Festival?
“There is no cultural legacy – only lack of involvement and lack of vision.”
It was an open secret in political circles that Cllr Anderson was struggling to reconcile his role on a cross- party and public-private sector board with his position as the city’s premier voice of opposition to the ruling Lib Dem Group which controls culture activity.
He now believes he can work more effectively “unfettered” by collective responsibility.
He added: “I’m now free to make whatever comments I deem constructive – sometimes positive, sometimes critical.
“I’ve felt for months that talking to some members of the culture board is like banging your head on a brick wall.
“Everything is met by defensiveness or accusations of negativity.”
Cllr Anderson said he believed the culture board was guilty of building up unreasonable expectations about the festival from the word go.
He said: “This festival will not be the wealth-creating, job-creating panacea for all the city’s ailments that it was cracked up to be.
“There is still time to provide people with the opportunity to take part and also to give the cultural sector better opportunities to participate.
“And if there’s one good thing to emerge from all the money that’s been spent it’s that the city has got a re-branding. It might be money well spent. We now need to have confidence in what the city has to offer.”
Cllr Anderson said he would continue “with passion” to promote the city in a positive way.
“This isn’t about party politics. It’s about me as a person and a Liverpudlian. And about a city with a legacy of debt.”

Joe Anderson on .....

... ROBYN ARCHER

WHEN she was brought in everybody thought WHO?
But it was the Emperor’s New Clothes and no-one said much. Then we hardly saw her for 12 months – even though we were paying her. She then comes up with a programme and that’s when I came up with my remark that the only Aussie she hadn’t signed was Skippy the Bush Kangaroo. David Henshaw and Mike Storey brought her halfway across the world but she knew so little about Liverpool. She quits and we’re a laughing stock, giving her a huge pay-off while community groups are getting knocked back for £2,000.

... THE 2008 PROGRAMME

I’M not convinced there’s really anything outstanding in there.
There’s nothing that jumps out – no wow factor, no big theme. I’m terrified the 2008 opening ceremony is going to be all about B-list celebrities. And as for 2007 we’re already halfway through it and I don’t detect any great birthday excitement.

... 08 BOARD MEMBERS

PHIL Redmond and Roger Phillips were a breath of fresh air and I wish we had a few more like them. They are not controversial but they speak as they see it and as people in the street see it.
There should definitely be a broader mix of people on the board. In four-and-a-half years we haven’t achieved much.

... THE FUNDING DILEMMA

THE council has failed to prepare a war chest since COC was awarded in 2004. The Government has supplied more than the £10m requested by the city council in the Bid Document. Hoping that the Government would bail out the city if it let the problem fester until the last minute was a high-risk strategy.
The council should have been honest with the people and said “Look, this is what Cultural Year will cost and we will have to save for it between 2003 and 2008”.

... COMMUNITY ENGAGEMENT

VISITORS might like 2008 but I don’t think residents will.
Go to Dingle, Everton, Speke and you’ll find people who’ve come up with ideas but they are frustrated at getting neither financial nor physical support. It’s a failure that we haven’t encouraged them to participate.

MAN OVERBOARD! DID HE JUMP, OR WAS HE PUSHED?

Drummond Bone-Head has finally resigned as Chair of the Capital of Culture Board.

Did he jump to go to a highly paid university sinecure somewhere more salubrious, or was he pushed over the side by fireman Bradley?

Whatever the answer - and there is much informed speculation about both possibilities - one thing is clear.

His departure brings to an end two wasted years, during which time his Culture Company Board have done a resounding bugger all to make 2008 a success for Liverpool.

Instead they have constantly re-arranged the deck-chairs on the Titanic (and thrown public money around like it was confetti), while watching helplessly from the rails as the ruinously expensive ship slides slowly beneath the icy waters (he's getting quite poetic these days, isn't he? ed)

The Maserati-driving Bone Head has been singularly unimpressive. His dull and listless performances have, at times, even made the Harbarrowboy look as though he has got half a brain.


Indeed he is only just trailing behind Jase in the 'sack him' demands from blog afficionados.

Bone-Head's main claim to fame has been cosying up to professional Scouser Cilla Black at some posh do for the great and the good in Westminster. This was in fact, why Bone Head agreed to be Henshaw's placeman on the Culture Company Board - so some of the anticipated (but still missing, ed) glitter would be liberally sprinkled over his benevolent shoulders and he would pick up a gong in gratitude from Gordon Brown's New Years Honours list for 2008.

Alas, for him both the glitteratti and the gong have failed to materialise (like much else that has been promised for 2008, ed)

So another departure from the Culture Company - first Robbing was given the push and then there was a night of the long knives for the other useless placemen and women who were serving themselves. It is bound to raise even more questions and doubts about the 'plans' for 2008. (But you won't read any of this in the Echo, ed)

Bone-head has been an utter disaster in charge of the do-nothing Culture Board and is jumping ship before he is forced to carry the can for 2008.

Which means, someone (Roger Phillips? Phil Redmond? Colin Cover Up? Cilla? ed) will now have to step forward to shoulder the increasing burden.

Talk about a poisoned chalice...

Betting for the new Chair of the Board: That bloke from the Phil 6-1, Mike Storey 9-1, Roger Phillips 25-1, Sexy Rexy 50-1, Stan Boardman 9-4 on, Tony Blair 5-4 (well he's got nothing better to do now, ed), Cilla evens, Jimmy Tarbuck 250-1, Sir Diddy 500-1 (and he was lucky to get the one, ed)

We couldn't agree more....

See Liverpool Confidential for the full story. Click here: Liverpool Confidential

THE SUMMER POPS: JIM FIXED IT FOR THEM!!!!

Sir Jimmy Fixit ABE said...

Now then, now then, goodness gracious me, guys and gals.

Not owwwnly Top of the Pops, but now the Summa pops, you see.

Gone! Oh! Oeeh, oeeh, oohh!

When I was running the marathon with Chas and Dave, who appeared with me many times you see, both of them more rabbit than Sainsbury's.I asked them to try and get Sho-waddy-waddy, for this years event,top billing!

but no they had other ideas, Sonny and Cher tribute band singing " I got you a gig, Abe"

Now I have been in this business menny-menny years ladies and gentlemen and I have been round the block.

You cannot have a tribute band as top of the bill. So my suggestion was, Pinky and Perky to be brought on as top of the bill but apparrently they had done a runner to France when they heard that The Scaffold may be on stage.

So if you are reading this boys, the scaffold in question is the one with Roger McGough, the limerick writer, although I thought he was from Liverpool, Martin Boermann..no, that's not right,no, John Gorman, who invented the bucket of water, and the brother of Lonnie Donnegan, Mike MeCamera.

Just imagine the crowds singing along at the end of the Pops to Thank you very much for the Aintree Iron. Oh yes! you see....

Thankyou very much for the sunken pier head

thank you very much
thank you very very very much.
Thank you very much for the traffic chaos,
the line 1 tram scheme,
The Iconic fourth grace,
the massive pension,
the office shower,
the Status Quo gig,
The Kensington One Stop,
The free car parking,
the half price child fares,
The robbing Archer.........thank you very very very much!

Actually it's quite a long song, maybe that's why they pulled the plug.

Never mind there's always next year...and the Phil Harmonica Orchestra are free to perform outside of the new met centre. Just a few coppers and a bottle of Thunderbird is all that would cost.

Monday, February 12, 2007 12:50:00 AM

THE LIVERPOOL SUBCULTURE CHRISTMAS QUIZ TO END THEM ALL...

1) Who said: "McElhinney should be banged up in Walton jail"

Was it:

a) Councillor Warren Bradley
b) Councillor Mike Storey
c) Matt Finnegan
d) Mrs McElhinney
e) All of the above

(We have included two pictures of Walton so we can all see what McElhinney is missing, ed)


2) How many times did former chief executive, Sir Diddy announce his early retirement in March 2005, before he changed his mind?

a) Just the once to the Daily Post
b) Twice - both times to the Daily Post
c) Three times - twice to the Daily Post and once to the Liverpool Echo
d) He never announced his early retirement at all, that was all made up by Matt Finnegan, the city council's media chief and poor Sir David has ever since been the victim of a disgraceful smear campaign of public abuse, vile attacks and disgraceful misrepresentation of a fine, upstanding, noble-minded, public servant whose only crime has been to serve the people of Liverpool above and beyond the call of duty (steady on, ed).3) Who pleaded with Matt Finnegan on the day after the media chief was suspended on trumped up charges: '"Please don't tar us all with the same brush"?

a) Sir Diddy
b) The rottweiller, McElhinney
c) The smiling assassin, Halsall (above)
d) Chas Cole
e) Jolly Jack










4) Who said: "I will have to resign if they are threatening my job"?

a) Sir Diddy
b) Councillor Mike Storey
c) Matt Finnegan
d) The rottweiller
e) The smiling assassin
f) Tony Blair

5) Who is this blonde woman and what is her strange relationship to Dr David McElhinney (aka Dr Death, the Liverpool rottweiller, ed)






6) Name all Dr David's other blonde friends (and state whether they ever joined him at Knowsley on an all expenses paid trip abroad funded by a council contractor) and whether he then moved to Liverpool city council where he fixed them up with a do-nothing, but highly lucrative job. Or not . (It is permissible for you to use a separate sheet of paper to list any of these, ed)

7) Who said: "I told them no good will come of all of this - no-one will win."

a) Colin 'Cover Up' Hilton
b) The smiling assassin, Halsall
c) Rex Makin
d) Saddam Hussain

8) Which famous Liverpool trio ran in the New York marathon?

a) Sue, Grabbit and Runne
b) Kendall, Ball and Harvey
c) Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil (that's the city council's new slogan, ed)
d) McElhinney, Halsall and Cole





9) Who got free tickets from Phil Halsall for concerts at The Summer Pops?

a) Colin 'Cover Up' Hilton
b) The rottweiller McElhinney (for his parents, ed)

c) Sir Diddy and Lady Alison Henshaw
d) Councillor Paul Clark
e) Councillor Mike Storey
f) The woman at the butty shop (true, ed)
g) All of the above

10) Whose son made a 'once in a lifetime' appearance in a Southport-based combo, as the support act to Status Quo at the Summer Pops, for a still undisclosed fee from Chas Cole's CMP?

11) Which Porsche-driving Executive Director slammed the phone down on a journalist who had the disgraceful cheek and temerity to dare to ask him about his son's 'once in a lifetime' appearance at the Summer Pops and whether he had ever officially declared such a personal and pecuniary interest, in accordance with council regulations? (this question has been drafted by the bald eagle, ed)






12) Name the two pop bands in this historic and much loved photograph.






13) How many hits did the liverpoolevilcabal blog get?

a) Not half as many as the number of pounds Henshaw stole from Liverpool.
b) Not half as many as the number of pounds McElhinney stole from Liverpool
c) Dunno - but all 19,531 council workers were logging on as soon as they got home.
d) 102,465 (precisely, ed)
14) Who said: "show me the money."

a) Dick Turpin (well, it is the panto season, ed)
b) Sir Diddy
c) The rottweiller
d) Robbing Archer
e) Chas Cole
f) All of the above

15) What was the venue for the infamous Summer Pops media briefing, attended by the Harbarrowboy, Chas Cole and Jon Brown?

a) Colin Hilton's office
b) Jason Harbarrowboy's office
c) Chas Cole's office
d) The Racquet Club
e) Starbucks
f) The back of the bike sheds

16) Who said: "Don't let the evil cabal get you down" and to whom?

a) Mike Storey to Matt Finnegan
b) Warren Bradley to Mike Storey
c) Rex Makin to Matt Finnegan
d) Tony Parrish to the people of Liverpool

17) Who was Tony Parrish?

a) Sir Diddy desperately trying to get a sympathy vote
b) Daily Post journalist, Larry Neild (pictured, ed)
c) Francis Rossi from Status Quo
d) That bullshitting Kris Donaldson fella
e) Colin Hilton, trying to ensure that anyone with half a brain seemed infinitely preferable to the evil cabal
f) All of the above

18) Who said: "Whatever happens, we won't let you down."

a) Sir Diddy
b) Mike Storey
c) The editor of the Echo
d) Sven Goran Erikson






19) Who is Inspector Clueless? (clue: he's a fat, moronic, pompous Lib Dem councillor who believes in nothing but himself, ed. (Sorry, that doesn't really narrow it down very much, ed)




20) What is this?
TIE-BREAKER: Please supply a suitable caption to this action photograph of the new leader of the council.



COMING SOON: The Liverpool subCulture Awards for 2006, featuring the Tony Parrish Award to the 'Hypocrite of the Year'; the 'Blonde of the Year' (sponsored by BT); Quote of the Year; etc, etc, etc.

NOV 6TH IS 'D' DAY - DON'T PANIC, DON'T PANIC!

PANIC IN THE AIR AT CULTURE COMPANY

PANIC has gripped the Culture Company as it fast approaches its very own 'D' Day - November 6th.
That's when The Harbarrowboy will be revealing to an unsuspecting world exactly what is happening in 2008.
A great big posh do has been organised at St George's Hall for Monday night when the great and the good will be invited to congratulate all concerned on how fantastic everything is and pat themselves on the back.
But in the run up to 'D' Day (short for Debacle, ed) the Culture Company are running around like headless chickens in ever decreasing circles trying to get things sorted out.
Everything else has taken a back seat as every chief cook and bottle washer is enlisted in the glorious pursuit of making 'Jase' look good.
Of course if he cocks up and fails to impress the world, then the vultures will start circling big time. His neck is on the line.
So you can imagine the tears, tantrums and foot-stampings going on in the Pleasuredome at Millennium House as we speak.
So what great announcements can we expect from the Harbarrowboy on November 6th?
Will McCartney make it as part of the 2008 line-up? (Not if Heather takes him to the cleaners, ed)
Will U2 appear? (What have they got to do with Liverpool? ed)
Will Madonna be a material girl?
Will Alan Bleasdale be commissioned to premiere a new play?
Will there be a mini World Cup contest between Everton and Liverpool and Europe's greatest teams?
Will we see Madame Butterfly staged on the Mersey?
Will Cirque de Soleil's spectacular Beatles production be lured from Las Vegas (why didn't we get it first anyway? ed)
And so on and so forth.
All these questions and more will finally be answered on Monday night.
Some things of course, are certain.
The Culture Company will stick their logo on everything that is happening anyway and try to pretend it is one of their own 'once-in-a-lifetime' events.
And there will be a massive re-packaging exercise (more smoke and mirrors, ed)
So look forward to 'the biggest and best ever' Mathew Street festival (already happening, ed)
A world class Clipper race (already happening, ed)
A towering Tall Ships festival (ditto, ed)
What will be left of Robbing Archer's plans is anyone's guess. Probably nothing.
But watch as The Harbarrowboy tries to take the credit for all the existing cultural events which are already being organised by the city's existing cultural institutions and partners.
And examine closely just how many world class 'firsts' are coming to Liverpool the year after next.
No doubt there will be some welcome additions to the cultural programme for 2008.
Not even the Culture Company could have failed to deliver anything new.
It will be interesting to see precisely what added value they will be bringing to Liverpool in 2008 after the millions of pounds of public money spent so far.
Whether the 08 programme will live up to its constant spin as the best ever European Capital of Culture remains to be seen.
And we doubt whether there will be anything of substance to ensure that 2008 changes Liverpool for good and has a real impact on the lives of Liverpool people.
Nor, we forecast, will there be a comprehensive, rigorous and sustainable programme of community involvement and engagement.
But there will be lots of fireworks, balloons and razzamatazz for the great and the good at St George's Hall on Monday. So that's alright then...

ROBBING BOUNCES BACK WITH AN ATTACK ON THE CITY COUNCIL

Robbing bounces back from Down Under!

Robbing Archer has bounced back with an attack on the city council for sacking her from the Culture Company.

This predictable onslaught is only interesting for the sideswipes she takes at various people and things-

• Warren Bradley was apparently mainly to blame for getting rid of her (well done then Warren, ed)
  
• The Harbarrowboy has a nothing job in charge of a nothing organisation.

She said: "The CEO (chief executive officer, Harbarrowboy) of the Culture Company is the CEO of nothing."

(This is an astonishing verdict and gives us a tantalising insight into the way relations had fallen apart inside the Culture Company. It also shows she was not such a bad judge after all. Interestingly, the Chief Executive of Nothing, is getting paid £150,000, plus expenses a year for doing nothing, ed).

• The city council is a disfunctional bureacracy which can get nothing done (we seem to have been here before, ed)
• Staff couldn't even answer emails when she wasn't there (they were probably frightened of them being published by Henshaw, ed)
  
• Robbing was on the verge of producing a fantastic Capital of Culture when the rug was pulled out from under here (shurely some mistake, ed)
• Her mum was really ill (a blatant, offensively cynical deception and entirely transparent excuse for her running off back to Oz with her tail between her legs, ed)
  

The rest of her exercise in self-justification is, as we say, utter bollocks.
NB This woman was getting paid £150 grand a year and got a huge pay-off from taxpayers money to leave our shores and hop back to Skippy-land.