Ringo sings 'Liverpool, I left you.... but with a cool £90 grand in me back pocket, ta very much!"

RINGO pocketed £90,000 for headlining the start of Liverpool, European Capital of Culture 2008 - thanks to a blunder by Our Lord Redmond.

He decided not to give Ringo the £30,000 fee the ex-Beatle was originally asking for his two appearances in the city.

Redmond decided he would be dead clever like - and just pay Ringo's expenses instead.

"Oh, okay den," says Ringo, smiling quietly to himself.

"That's fair enough, I suppose, knowworramean?"

For some strange reason, Ringo then seems to have decided to make the most of his sojourn in the city of his birth - and bring along nine of his mates with him.

Ringo and his now substantial retinue - which included his band and general hangers-on - decided to fly business class across from LA.

Ker-ching!

Then they checked into the Hope Street hotel on the recommendation of Donald Bullshitter, who handled all the arrangements personally.

Ker-ching!!

Ringo's retinue then spent their time being ferried here and there in a fleet of gleaming limousines.

Ker-ching!!!

Their daily living expenses, which included food and drinks, were all met by the Culture Company.

Ker-ching!!!!

And so it went on.

One estimate is that Ringo spent ten days here, while the CoC footed the bill for all of the gang.

Redmond was left suitably left red-faced when he finally received the expenses bill from Ringo - and found the council taxpayers were going to have to pick up the tab for £90.000 - three times the fee that Ringo had asked for.

Fans will recall that Ringo sang, with some gusto, "I'll Get By With a Little Help From My Friends" during his acclaimed appearance at the Arena.

But one of his tunes which we did not hear, unfortunately, was: "You Know, It Don't Come Easy."

Could have fooled us.

Now Our Lord Redmond and the CoC are hoping that no-one asks any awkward questions about the cost of bringing one of Liverpool's most famous sons back to the city to plug his new album.

EXCLUSIVE: Phil Redmond writes a weekly column for Liverpool subculture very similar to the boring ones he has already written for the Daily Post...

DEMOCRACY. There’s been a lot talked about it since my last column for the Post.

The ups and downs. The ins and out. Not forgetting the down and outs.
As a lifelong red, its something that I hold dear to my true Scouse heart.
That’s why I was happy to stand alongside Bryan Gray, (pictured below) Chairman of the North West Development Agency this week and unveil our ambitious and creatively cultural plans for Liverpool, post 2008.

Even though we don’t live here in Liverpool and don't pay council tax here, we are offering this great city of ours a new dispensation.
Representation without taxation! Clever eh?

A shift in emphasis for the cultural partners.
A new paradigm for a new decade.
A cultural community which develops in synergy my Open Culture and Cultural Clearing ideas which are aimed at, basically, providing short cuts for like-minded people.
Like some of my mates.
Scousers all.

Of course, the cynics say this is yet more ‘jobs for the boys’.
They wonder who elected me and quietly spoken Bryan?
And who are we accountable to?
They ask who gave us permission to spend their money?
Maybe they have a point.
Maybe not.

But we all know it’s easy for people to criticise, rather than rolling up their sleeves and having a go at making their own park benches.
Or even singing a song for Liverpool that all our ‘media partners’ will publicise.

It’s a bit like a typical Scouse funeral.
We’ve all been to them.
Someone dies.
We are all very sad.
Errr, that’s it.

We all know anyone can stand on the sidelines and do nothing – after all, me and extremely quietly spoken Bryan spent two years doing exactly that while on the Culture Company Board.
Shakespeare wrote plays about it.
Power mad egomaniacs who thought they were Gods gift and saw their chance.

It’s neither here nor there if people call me Our Lord and genuflect in the street as I slouch by.
It’s beside the point that Bryan has his quietly spoken hands on what’s left of all the mazoola.
Any successful film or TV company, such as the ones that I have made a decent living from, which have produced really top quality cultural offerings, in my opinion, would do exactly the same.

Next week: Phil Redmond on ‘Accountability? – lets not stand in the way of progress.’

EXPOSED: A TALE OF TWO CITIES - SPIN VERSUS SUBSTANCE

WE reproduce below, for your entertainment, the full text of the press release issued by Randy Newman on the sad occasion of the resignation of Jason Harborow, aka The Harbarrowboy.

It is a triumph of spin over substance worthy of serious study by students of the genre (he means us, eds).

So we have, therefore, provided our own translation. Enjoy.

"Jason Harborow, Chief Executive of Liverpool Culture Company, has announced today that he is stepping down from his post.

Translation: We have been forced to pay off the Harbarrowboy, because the Fireman Bradley’s stupid emails and secret meetings meant that Jase could take us to the cleaners for constructive dismissal with all the attendant disastrous publicity that would ensue from such a high profile case. And we couldn’t stand another round of ruinous headlines in our Culture year.

...He has successfully steered the Culture Company from its inception to readiness...
Translation: Jase has spent all his time feathering his own nest and looking after his own interests, by hopping from one job to another in his four years at the Fun Palace. He made sure that he never stayed in the same place long enough for the penny to drop that he couldn’t deliver a stamped addressed envelope if it killed him. (Which it very nearly did). Everyone agrees the Culture Company is utterly ramshackle, incompetent and hopeless and no-one has the foggiest idea where all the money has gone or what is supposed to be happening.

...of the Culture Company, including raising private sponsorship funding...
Translation: He couldn’t even do the job he was originally appointed to do – raise private sponsorship. The city council is still £5million adrift of the amount he promised to raise, no-one knows whether a penny in hard cash ever came in – it was always support ‘in kind’ which meant that we are now knee deep in crap Echo non-stories, Sayers pasties and sausage rolls, Ethel Austin undies and free legal advice for Jase from Hill Dickinson...

...and the delivery of the much acclaimed artistic programme for 08....
Translation: No one has acclaimed the artistic programme at all, except for us at the city council and the Echo. At least half of the population seem to be scratching their heads and wondering when something is going to happen, but we don’t give a toss about those oiks on the council estates, obviously. Most of the good stuff has been put together by our established cultural partners, but we have claimed all the credit and have managed to slap our 08 brand on everything that moves. Tee hee.

Mr Harborow said: “I have fulfilled my pledge to the people of Liverpool...
Translation: I have ripped you mugs off, big time. By the Christ, I have filled me boots with your dosh. Dick-heads. I am laughing all the way to the bank – and you have let me! Fantastic result.

...my job is done...
Translation: “I have spent the last six months on the sick and got full pay! That amounted to £100,000 in the bank for doing fuck all - except sit in the hacienda sucking ice lollies. I have achieved what I set out to do – bugger all. And since my sick pay was going to go down to half the amount, I thought I would jack it all in now and let my drinking mate Col pay me off with a handsome cheque.

...and it is time now for a new challenge”....
Translation: I am going to see Bradley off first of all, by submitting an official complaint to the Standards Board. Hasitall and Cover Up have been egging me on to do it for months and nothing would now give me greater pleasure than
to see Bradley barred from public office. Cheeky bastard. Who the fuck does he think he is? It’s us officers who run the council, not the morons like him who stand for election. With a bit of luck, I will come across as the innocent victim of it all. Even though I cocked up Mathew Street, everyone will forget all that when Bradley is led in chains down Dale Street. Then I am going to do a bit of consultancy to any other European cities who are gullible enough to pay any attention to a word I say and give me lots more lucre. I might do a bit of extra shopping in Chester, I have got some personal stuff to sort out and after that it will be a life of Riley back at the hacienda. But not Joe, obviously....

He is moving on to pursue new business interests and is to step down from his post at the end of the month...

Translation: We have no idea what he is going to do now and we don’t care, we just want to see the back of him PDQ.

He went on to say: "I have very much enjoyed my time in Liverpool...
Translation: This bloody city has been a fucking nightmare. First Finnegan sussed me out as a total fraud within weeks, but Henshaw thankfully got him out of the way for making sure the papers knew Henshaw wasn’t going to get his pension. Then Forde started kicking off about me cutting the Mathew Street budget and threatening people’s safety. What do I care about Scousers? But thank Christ Forde packed it in too. I had to laugh when Bradley had a go at him. It was priceless! If you ask me my recipe for success, I would say that I soon learnt not to stay in the same position for too long – so no-one cottoned on to what I was doing, until it was all too late. I have to say I learnt from the master - Sir Diddy. He taught me everything I knew. Must go for a coffee with him, next time I am in Manchester. I suppose I will end up paying as usual.

...It has been a tremendous challenge but we are there...
Translation: Thank Christ I am getting out of here before it all goes pear-shaped.

...2008 will be the beginning of the future for Liverpool and its entire people, and I am grateful that I was able to play a role in that...
Translation: This sounded really good when Randy read it to me over the phone, but now I have no idea what it means. I hope he doesn’t mean all that Creative Communities bollocks that the Scousers were obsessed with trying to promote. All those horrible unemployed people – trying to teach them about Culture was a bit like teaching Hasitall financial management. A hopeless case. They deserved being ripped off. Numb-skulls.

...Other personal business opportunities have opened up for me next year and I wish to concentrate my efforts on these...
Translation: I shall bullshit my way around the world.

...I have therefore taken the decision to leave now, confident that the programme for 2008 will make it the most successful Capital of Culture ever...
Translation: I am getting out of here sharpish, before people wise up. With my pockets full of dosh.

...I am leaving behind a strong organisation moving forwards into its delivery role..."
Translation: I have left it all in the hands of The Ego Our Lord Redmond, who just wants his name in the papers and nutters like McCogloose, who will just agree with the first person she hears. Half the staff are applying for other jobs like it is going out of fashion, the other half daren’t admit they work for the Culture Company for fear that it will ruin their reputations for life. The place is a total laughing stock. And I haven’t mentioned the money yet. But that’s your problem now, suckers!

Colin Hilton, Chief Executive of Liverpool City Council, said: “Jason has made a huge contribution to the city over the last four years in leading the team that has developed such a strong programme for 2008.

Translation: Am I really supposed to say this? Are you sure? I don’t know what the hell has been going on over there for the last four years. Where has all the money gone? No one has got a grip on it at all. Consultants kept on waltzing in and out as if they owned the place. They probably did, with all the money the city council was paying them. It wasn’t for me to interfere either. I am a council bureaucrat, I don’t do culture. I have no idea what the artistic programme is at all. But the brochure has lots of nice pictures in it. I just can’t be bothered to turn the pages. My mum seems to like it though.

...He brought flair and a commercial edge to our work....
Translation: Jase was great. He seemed to know lots of people in the private sector, which was obviously a very good thing, and he brought them in regularly to help us out with all kinds of things. They did an excellent job, by all accounts. One of these friends of Jase’s presented me with a nice grey fleece, which keeps me very warm, and also gave me a lovely wooly hat for my mum. Which was really very kind and thoughtful of him, I thought. They have done a fine job for Liverpool – just like BT and Liverpool Direct. It has been a real partnership. I am just waiting for a full report about what has been achieved.

...and will always be remembered for his enthusiasm and ability to engage the support of the most top level people across sport, government, the arts and other institutions.”

Translation: Jase was a terrific bullshitter. The Government ministers were so gullible it was incredible and they believed every word he said. Don’t ask me why. I don’t know who half these people are. I recognised a few faces from the telly though. One of them got a ticket for my mum to go and visit the House of Lords. She had a really nice day. Redmond went with her – he said something about going on a recce. The cultural lot/arty farty set were a piece of cake – they wouldn’t say boo to a goose, anyway. Even if Jase had pissed all over their chips.

Bryan Gray, Chairman of the Culture Company Board, said: "I would like to thank Jason for his contribution to the success of the Capital of Culture over the last few years.
Translation: I can’t believe I am saying this. Jesus, the things I have to do for these clods in Liverpool. Good job I have taken it over now, after I told that Fireman Fella what was what. He soon got the message. Pygmy.

...I am sure that everyone associated with the Liverpool Culture Company will join with me in sending best wishes to Jason for his future..."
Translation: I am not giving any radio interviews about this tosser. I would choke on these words.

POWER TO THE PEOPLE? OR A TALE OF TWO PHILS.....

'POWER TO THE PEOPLE' was the Lennon song which closed the Arena show on Saturday night.

Perhaps someone was encouraging the people of the city to rise up in Revolution (another Beatles song which got an airing, eds) to overthrow the city father's who have wasted millions of pounds of the people's money?

Or perhaps not, eh?

The £50-a-ticket, £15-a-programme Arena show for 10,000 people was ten times better than Friday's so-called People's Launch of Liverpool Capital of Culture 2008, (which attracted 35,000 according to the police. And to which the Echo has added another 15,000, for some reason best known to the Editor, eds).

Unlike Friday, the Arena show engaged people and included them, even if the people were, largely, those who could afford it, the great and the good, the insiders, the bullshitters and the
usual suspects.


Ringo's new single was still an utter embarrassment (although he was refreshingly direct and honest in his pre-match press conference, eds).

The Farm brought real life, energy and enthusiasm to proceedings - "It's Saturday night, get up will ya" - the audience were ordered, and dutifully obeyed.

Connie Lush belted out a couple of numbers with pizzaz. The Christians were good too.

The acrobats were hardly Cirque Du Soleil, but were absolutely fine.

And Pete Wylie was, well.... Pete Wylie. (Although irritatingly, we have been singing Heart as Big as Liverpool all day, eds)

The undoubted stars of the show, however, were the Phil, who were absolutely stunning throughout.

Trapped in their Celebrity Squares, they showed consummate professionalism in coping with all the hiccups, pregnant pauses and fluffed beginnings.

The suitably dynamic Vasily Petrenko had total control and was marginally even more impressive than the live-wire signers at the side of the stage.

So well done to the Phil.

The other Phil - Our Lord - wandered on stage at the end to grab his share of the limelight and burnish his ego.


There was absolutely no need for his appearance, but appear he did.

Apart from shouting "We did it" (exactly what has been your precise contribution, Redmond? Aside from hogging headlines in the Echo with stories that never happen and using 2008 as the perfect antidote to the boredom and mid-life ennui caused by your multi-millionaire lifestyle, 15 cars and 35-acre home in Tarporley? eds) Redmond lounged about on stage, mouthed total gibberish (get a speech writer for your Mayoral bid, eds) and introduced his mates.

Fireman Bradley looked on disconsolately.

The Arena show had no cohesive narrative whatsoever, was spectacularly disjointed at times, didn't pay real justice to the Liverpool Irish connection, the Chinese community or the war years; treated the 100 children like serfs (why weren't they allowed on stage for 'All Together Now'? eds) and failed to showcase the full range and diversity of Liverpool's Culture.

But as an earlier correspondent noted, the show was 'alright'. It wasn't a disaster. And it engaged the audience.

It was not mind-bogglingly spectacular, breathtaking or world-beating.

But it was ok.

And after years of CoC cock-ups, mistakes and blunders from the half-wits in charge, just being OK it seems, will now do.

THE LIVERPOOL '08 TOP TWENTY

We have been reading in the Echo that Phil 'the great grey hope' Redmond has unveiled his secret weapon to make Liverpool No 1 in 2008.

Apparently, there is to be a new "Song For Liverpool" to mark our very special year.

(What a fantastically original and creative idea, absolutely guaranteed to engage and involve the people of Liverpool, eds)

And it's going to be a joint production by the Culture Company, (unholy)Trinity Mirror, Radio Murkeyside and City.

Doesn't that make your heart sink, pop pickers?

The song is destined, we fear, to be 'bubbling under' for a very long time (rather like our Salthouse Dock fish, ed)

Far better, in our view, to produce something which will be truly unique, distinctive and popular.

What about a once-in-a-lifetime Liverpool '08 compilation CD?

Featuring memorable cover versions of our favourite hits - but sung by some of the city's contemporary and most respected figures.

Mark Ronson could produce it - and blog readers could contribute the song titles and suggest the local personalities best equipped to perform!

It could be our very own version of the Liverpool X Factor!

So, to get the ball rolling and your creative juices flowing, might we make some suggestions about our very own top twenty?

THE LIVERPOOL '08 TOP TWENTY

1) We Don't Talk Anymore - Cllr Warren Bradley & Jason Harbarrowboy
2) It Should Have Been Me - Cllr Mike Storey(teller)
3) The Sound of Silence - Colin 'Cover Up' Hilton
4) Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now - Phil Redmond
5) People Get Ready - Claire McColgan
6) Say it Ain't So, Joe - Paul 'Randy' Newman (in the chart with a bullet, eds)
7) Art for Art's Sake (Money for God's Sake) - Phil Halsall, the smiling assassin
8) Life in a Northern Town - The Residents (of L4, L5, L6, L8…etc etc, eds)
9) Y Viva Espana - Jason Harbarrowboy (solo performance, eds)
10) I Shoulda Known Better - Roger Phillips
11) She's Gone - Robbing Archer
12) Take The Money And Run - Sir David 'Diddy' Henshaw
13) Happy Talk - Alistair Machray (Echo Editor, eds)
14) Let's Dance - Flo 'quick, quick' Clucas
15) The Great Pretender - Kris Donaldson (Donald Bullshitter)
16) Hanging on the Telephone - Carolyn 'snitch' Hughes

17) Starman - Tony Parrish

18) I Wanna Be Elected - Liam Fogarty

19) Hound Dog - Dr David 'rottweiller' McElhinney

20) How Long Has This Been Going On? - The people of Liverpool

Bubbling under: Born To Run (Chris Green), Money's Too Tight to Mention (Sir Diddy), These Foolish Things (Matt Finnegan), Suspicious Minds (Lee Forde), I Fought The Law (Rex Makin), You Better Go Now (Joe Anderson)

It's something which everyone can join in!

Send your song suggestions to the blog, nominating your personality songster.
We will ensure that the Culture Company spends millions of pounds of council taxpayers' money on hiring record studios and top notch producers for the CD.

Thanks L&J!

CAPITAL OF CHAOS/MATHEW STREET DEBACLE: AND ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST!!!!!

THE crisis-hit Culture Company has been rocked today by a new departure - the resignation on the dotted line of Operations Director Chris 'do I look that?' Green.

Speculation is mounting that 'do I look that?' Green reluctantly decided to take the rap after Colin 'Cover Up' marked his card over the about-to-be-published Mathew Street inquiry.

Insiders believe 'do I look that?' opted to fall on his sword, rather than be publicly knifed for incompetence in the report, which has been closely supervised by 'Cover Up' and the Harbarrowboy.

He decided to walk the plank just days after the announcement that the North West Development Agency had suddenly seconded Bernice Law to be in charge of 'operational delivery' at the Culture Company.

This was a huge vote of 'no confidence' and the proverbial kick in the face with a Size 12 steel toe-capped Doctor Marten, for 'do I look that' Green, who had been (theoretically) in charge of operations.

Of course the decision to go of 'do I look that?' , makes Event chief' Lee Forde's claim against the city council for constructive dismissal, even stronger than before (oh good! eds)

Forde regularly reported his fears about Mathew Street directly to his line manager - one Chris 'do I look that?' Green.

It's unlikely that 'do I look that?' failed to pass these on to the Harbarrowboy, who would have then passed them on to 'Cover Up'.

But both senior managers (on half a million quid between them, eds) have been adept enough to avoid having to make the ultimate sacrifice themselves.

And they now appear to have found an ideal substitute for the axe. (See also Has Jase done a runner already? )

'Do I look that?' was, predictably, one of the last appointments of the evil dictator, Sir Diddy David Henshaw, who shoved him into the Culture Co in the dying days of his crumbling regime. (AHA!, eds)

'Do I Look that' was also given the job in charge of Corporate Sponsorship on the glowing recommendation of the Harbarrowboy, with whom he had worked previously. (There's nothing quite like the old pals act for arranging well-paid jobs at public expense, is there? eds)

As power went to the impressionable head of Jase and he got ideas above his station - and well above his mediocre abilities - he ensured the pliable and grateful ''do I look that" Green was always trailing firmly behind on his coat-tails.

After being promoted and put in charge of Operations by Jase, it was clear to everyone that "Do I look that?" Green was well out of his depth as the pressure mounted and the Culture Company was rocked by a series of cock-ups.

"He looked like a frightened rabbit caught in the headlights", said one Culture Co insider. "He was Jase's 'yes' man. He would always do whatever Jason wanted."

It looks now as though he has made the ultimate sacrifice for the Harbarrowboy - but with a hefty pay-off.

PS It is now clear that Liverpool's Capital of Culture year is being run from Warrington and the headquarters of the North West Development Agency.

Their Chairman, Bryan Gray has been quietly installed as Chair of the Culture Company Board with his hands tightly on the money.

He has brought in Ms Law to watch his back and make sure 2008 doesn't end in complete disaster.

Never one to seek the limelight, Gray has willingly given responsibility for all public statements and spin to Phil 'I'm the city's saviour' Redmond.

Fireman Bradley is an increasing irrelevance.

WANTED 'DEAD OR ALIVE' - THE HARBARROWBOY............ or............. CULTURE COMPANY IN ANOTHER SPIN

The list of professional Scousers and 80's has-beens being lined up for the Culture Company's launch 'ceremony' is growing.

Latest addition to Jase's "team" is Pete 'button yer lip' Burns - unless fate hits him with another plastic surgery disaster.

Brave Pete has promised to turn up on January 12th, whether Dead or Alive.

His loyalty to Liverpool has already got the Harbarrowboy and his Culture Crew spinning right round, baby, right round, like a recor....(oh shut up will ya! eds)

Any suggestion that Pete has been booked because he is still mates with Jayne 'Mersey Tunnel' Casey would be totally without Foundation. (Of course, eds)

We are sure he will be worth every penny of his appearance fee - it may even pay for some extra plastic surgery so that Pete can celebrate 2008 with another new look.

But Christ knows what Burns will do on the night - perhaps a reprise of his legendary appearance with George Galloway on Big Brother?
















Perhaps a sparkling duet with Cilla? That would be a lorra, lorra laughs.

Perhaps he will just do his gobby Scouser "act"?

Whatever Jase decides on, we are sure it will show Liverpool's unique contribution to 21st century culture in the most positive global light.

We now are beginning to fully understand what Redmond meant when he promised the people of Liverpool 'Scouse culture.'

(When are Sinbad and Jimmy Corkhill being announced then? eds)

WORLD EXCLUSIVE NO 2: RINGO IN TOWN TO DRUM UP SUPPORT FOR CULTURE COMPANY

LOVABLE ex-moptop Ringo Starr jets into town next Thursday to help launch 2008.
The little scamp has agreed to join the great and the good - well at least Redmond, the Harbarrowboy and Fireman Bradley - to launch the Cultural programme for next year.
Ringo, who lives in Monte Carlo normally, has a new single coming out with Dave Stewart from Eurythmics and is anxious to give the disc a plug.
The Beatles drummer is also booked to take part in the launch ceremony on January 8th next year when, Surprise Surprise, he will join Cilla Black (you are joking, eds) and Mr Stewart (what's his connection with Liverpool then? eds) in a 'spectacular' sing-song from the roof of St Georges Hall.
(Come to think of it, what's Cilla's connection

with Liverpool? eds)
Ringo and Cilla will introduce a unique segment of the show called:'Professional Scousers Back in Town for the First Time in Fifty Years and Just as Likely to Disappear as Fast as They Arrived". (we made up that last bit, eds)
Ringo's contribution to Liverpool's culture is being touted as one of the highlights of the 2008 Programme. No one is making any similarly grandiose claim's for Cilla's contribution, Surprise, Surprise.
Next Thursday, just for old time's sake, Ringo may even exchange some of that famous madcap Beatle banter with Macca, who will appear in the city via video link to promote his Anfield concert. (Will anyone ask Sir Paul about the stunned fish? eds)
You read it here first...

REDMOND: THE RAKE'S PROGRESS, OR HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE (NOT). EPISODE ONE - "I WANT 'SCOUSE' CULTURE"

SELF-styled 'man of the people' Phil Redmond is already making a tremendous impact on Capital of Culture.

The multi-millionaire's exhortation to every headbanger in the city to ring the Culture Company with their madcap schemes has already got staff in open revolt.

The procession of nerds, nonentities and ne'er do wells out to try and make a fast buck out of public money, has resembled a lengthy queue of X Factor rejects.

Long-suffering Culture staff, already victims of the Harbarrowboy's regime of chaos, have taken to posing as passers-by to avoid the procession of Culture Company callers who have obviously just escaped from the nearest loony bin.

Staff have also begun to find all sorts of meetings and other wondrous excuses to be out of the office when the phones start ringing off their hooks with nutters at 9am every morning.

Porters have now been positioned to repel any suspicious boarders from the decks of the Titanic.

So, when it might have been wiser to try and win the loyalty of Culture staff, Redmond appears to have quickly alienated them.

And that's not all.

Should any of these idiotic ideas be pursued beyond the back of a fag packet, the creators will quickly find that there is no money left in the cupboard to pay for them.

Unless our multi-millionaire Cultural saviour wants to dip into the £30million he trousered from the sale of Mersey TV to pay for something himself?

If not, the disappointed might end up a bit disgruntled with Redmond too.

And that's not all.

Redmond appears to have alienated Colin 'Cover Up' too by blabbing to the meeja about 'his' plans for 2008, without first agreeing the line with the city council.

Hilton wandered un-noticed into Culture the other day and after about an hour, when he finally managed to attract the attention of a handful of staff, was forced to apologise for Redmond's shock and unaccountable outburst.

In fact, the first that the Culture Company's £75,000-a-year Communications chief, The Invisible Man, Paul 'We'veforgottenhisnameagain', New about it all, was when someone mentioned in passing that TV cameras were filming the unelected Redmond outside the Town Hall.

Hilton promised those staff who were still listening to his mumbling that he would be having a strong word with our new Cultural guru and would be marking his card in future. (Gee, Redmond must have shat himself at that, eds)

And that's not all. (Thought not, eds)

Our hero also appears to have alienated the Labour Party, of which, unaccountably, he is still a member. (Is he trying to buy himself a peerage then soon? eds)
Redmond had the brass neck to appeal to the Labour Party to cease its entirely legitimate questioning and critiscism of the activities of the Harbarrowboys inside The Fun Palace at Millennium House.

He wanted them to stop. To cease. Forthwith.

And thus leave the way entirely clear for him to bravely step into the breach and parade himself as the saviour of our city.

Joe Anderson's response to this remarkable request was suitably short, eloquent and to the point.

And that's not all.

The Lib Dems are similarly up in arms at Redmond's suspicious arrival on the scene of the Culture car crash, thus diverting any chance of favourable publicity next year away from their current leader, Bradley the Fireman (tell me the same old Storey, eds)

And that's not all. (oh get on with it, will ya? eds)

Those in the city who can best be described as 'the chattering classes', 'the great and the good' or ' the usual suspects' are also getting hot under the collar about Redmond.

They are already asking questions about Redmond's connection with Liam Fogarty's campaign for an elected mayor.

Word in the boardrooms is that Redmond has been secretly bankrolling the Mayoral campaign, although we have seen no evidence of this. Yet.

So, after stepping reluctantly into the limelight to introduce Macca at Anfield, Redmond will then presumably wait for a delighted and grateful populace to carry him shoulder high to the Town Hall.

In fact, at the moment, the only people who appear to approve of Redmond is our local meeja.

The Echo in particular has been wedged so far up his arse that it has almost disappeared from view (no such luck, eds)

One journalist has been heard to speculate that the Echo's abandonment of any pretence at neutrality, impartiality or investigation may lead to an official complaint by the NUJ to the Press Complaints Commission.

The Echo's tame and uncritical subservience to the drawling Deputy Dawg, who appears to think he has just wondered on to the set of a third-rate soap opera, is apparently justified as being "in the city's best interests".

Which, interestingly, is also how they justified their silence over the criminal activities of Henshaw and the evil cabal.

In 2002 Phil and Alexis Redmond sold part of their Mersey TV stake for £30m to private equity group LDC in a management buyout. In 2005 LDC and the Redmonds sold out to London-based rival All3Media in a deal reported to total between £35m and £45m.

THE GREAT WHITE HOPE(LESS)

And so the Great White Hope comes riding to the rescue.

Cometh the hour, cometh the man.

Step forward the lugubrious Phil Redmond, self-styled man of the people, multi-millionaire and purveyor of ubiquitous Scouse stereotypes.

Some have greatness thrust upon them, Redmond has thrust his greatness upon us (oooeeer missus, eds)

Redmond is now, apparently, hailed the saviour of Capital of Culture, determined to stop the rot, end the nonsense and finally connect Culture with the people it is meant to serve.

He has been appointed to lead Capital of Culture into the sunlit uplands of 2008, after the second Night of the Long Knives at the Culture Company Board.

First they were 24.

Now they are just six.

We hesitate to say 'we told you so'.

Oh alright then, we don't hesitate at all.

WE TOLD YOU SO!

The Culture Board was a washed-out and washed-up collection of Henshaw's tame yes men and women, who were neither use nor ornament to the great city of Liverpool.

Like the powerless Lib Dems, who sat wringing their hands in despair on the sidelines, the Culture Board betrayed the city of Liverpool and its people.

How so?

They fiddled about while the city burned with indignation.

And Redmond is just as culpable as the rest of a Board which all sat silently on their hands while the Harbarrowboy fucked over Liverpool, good style.

Not one of them raised a voice in complaint (except the principled Joe Anderson of course, eds)

Not one of them dared to have the courage to say enough is enough.

Not one of them tried to stop the Culture Co bollocksing up the city's big chance.

They stayed schtum and silent, when they should have been shouting from the rooftops.

They are all - including Mr Phil Redmond - complicit in this comprehensive failure.

Will we get an apology?

Will we buggery.

And now we are asked to pin our hopes and put our faith in the silent one?

The man who earned his fortune on the backs of Liverpool people by caricaturing the city with ugly Scouse stereotypes?

The man who gives professional Scousers a bad name?

The man who thinks that speaking up for Liverpool means saying nothing?

You must be out of your tiny mind.

We have no confidence in Redmond. We never have had any confidence in him.

He has done fuck all in the last two years and deserves to be fucked off like the rest of them. He has proved our point.

And we particularly lack any confidence in the new Redmond regime, when Deputy Dawg is the Fireman Bradley who demonstrates his powerlessness with each passing second that the Harbarrowboy survives.

The Redmond regime will make the right noises (with the right accent - carefully preserved by a strict diet of honey and roses, eds).

But he will not bring the enduring change for the better that Liverpool needs.

Nor will he seriously consult the staff at the Culture Company who have been working hard to leave a tangible legacy, despite the handicap of the Harbarrowboy's mis-management.

Oh no, instead he will dream up a few typically tabloid schemes to buy off the limp Echo - and then suddenly proclaim 2008 a great success.

Some will be fooled by the fireworks. But we won't. We have had years of Lib Dem spin that everything in the garden is rosy. We know what's what.

Take a trip to Speke, matey. Or Croccy. Or anywhere in north Liverpool.

See if you can spot a rosy garden there.

And who ever gave Redmond the authority to lead the people's Capital of Culture, anyway?

The people certainly did not.

No-one consulted US.

No-one elected him.

No-one can fire him.

And who will hold him to account for 2008?

Deputy Dawg?

Give us a break.

Self-appointed, self-interested, self-selecting.

Self-serving.

Nothing ever changes.

PS While the knife was being wielded on the Culture Company, the Harbarrowboy is away in Spain putting the finishing touches to his retirement home. He will be gone with a huge pay-off inside the next month with some spin about his job being done.